Thoughts On James Ray

I've been torn about writing anything about James Ray for weeks. The initial tragedy that happened during Spiritual Warrior back on October 9th, resulting in 3 deaths was horrible enough. I had friends there. It was an event I planned to take part in at some point. I tried not to rush to judgment. I heard from people there who said it was an amazing experience until everything went so horribly wrong in the sweat lodge. But the reactions of James himself (leaving the scene, not contacting families...) left me very disappointed and wondering who was this man I thought I knew.

More disturbing to me personally, was discovering two weeks ago (via comments on my own blog) that the suicide I saw while at the Creating Absolute Wealth event in San Diego in July was actually a participant of the seminar. Somehow knowing Colleen was a participant like I was, made her death hit home much more. It made me question what I thought I had learned that day, made me want to rip the "Grateful" tattoo from my flesh, gave me nightmares that kept replaying that day, had me doubting everything I thought I knew about my own growth and what to believe. It had me feeling betrayed by James because I spoke to him, his staff, even the entire group of participants later that day about what I had seen. I don't know when anyone with JRI found out about Colleen's death but it had to have been many hours after the fact. It is quite possible James himself wasn't told until the weekend was over, but that is just conjecture. JRI staff did know she wasn't on the bus bringing us back to the hotel from downtown, but we had been told that people have missed buses in the past so it wasn't portrayed as any sort of issue to us. Nobody had IDs for that particular experience (we were wandering San Diego like homeless people), we only had cards with a number to call if something happened and we missed the bus.

In the last couple weeks I've had various bloggers and reporters contacting me and have seen people posting comments across the net accusing me of covering things up, working for James Ray; even implying I had something to do with Colleen's death. It has been very hard not to get caught up into defending myself, searching the net all day for what people are saying. I finally realized it doesn't matter. Nothing can change what happened in San Diego or Sedona. Investigations are underway to make sure it doesn't happen again.

I do believe James and his staff are good people with high intentions of helping others. This has been a time when I've needed to be able to separate the teachings from the teacher, for much of what James teaches has been taught by many before him. I'm very glad that he seems to have stopped listening to PR firms on how to handle the mess he's in.

I was attracted to James' events because of the adventure and surprise. The immersion experience, having no idea what you are in for or what comes next. But I now realize, those can raise lots of issues that people (including myself) might not be prepared to deal with. After lots of discussion, Lori and I had decided to continue with James' next event which we had already paid for - Quantum Leap, this November in Las Vegas. I had flip-flopped so much on attending - in fact since Creating Absolute Wealth had left me so confused and lost in the weeks following it, I was concerned about what Quantum Leap was going to do to me. The only description we had was that it was going to strip away our limiting beliefs and blocks. So, on Oct 28th when James finally decided to cancel all his remaining 2009 events, I was actually glad. I hope he is now truly cooperating with authorities and helping all those who've been hurt. Four deaths at his two most recent events is something that can't be and shouldn't be ignored.

So for everyone wondering... I do not work for James Ray International. I have not spoken with anyone from JRI since all these issues came to light (though I have tried to reach them repeatedly). I did not know the woman I saw jump in San Diego was Colleen Conaway or that she was in the seminar with me (there were about 200 people). I didn't even know she died -- cops at the scene told me she was alive and I saw her leave with an oxygen mask on her face. I did speak with San Diego police at the scene and I've also provided the Arizona authorities with a statement. I had never been to San Diego before and didn't know the name of the mall where she jumped, which is why my own searches for information came up empty once I was back home. I do not doubt that it was a suicide, but I also don't doubt that the event itself raised issues she couldn't deal with. And that is why my heart still breaks every time I think of her.

Africa was Awesome!

After 3 countries, 5 flights, 8 lodges, dozens of gorillas, and a whole lot of fun, our African odyssey ended a couple weeks ago. The trip was a blast but it did feel long and it took many days to recover from once we were back home. We thoroughly enjoyed our three gorilla tracking days - which was the primary reason for the trip. The big surprise to me, was the beauty of the Ugandan and Rwandan landscape and people. Everybody was so outgoing and friendly, this is such a great time to be an American visiting Africa. They just love the US now.
I had so much fun just driving through Uganda and Rwanda waving at kids. They were all so thrilled to get a wave back. I've never seen so many smiles. It was such a treat to see so much joy and happiness in people that you might judge have nothing.
Other highlights; spotting a leopard on our very first game drive, two rare sightings of hippos out of the water, and a tree climbing lion.
Also met some fantastic fellow travellers along the way, which we've always been so fortunate to do, and had outstanding guides and service at every stop. Can't recommend Volcanoes Safaris enough if you want to visit the mountain gorillas yourself.
With over 2,000 photos and hours of video, it could be quite awhile before I get details posted. For now, here is an online album Lori put together and a smaller collection I put up on Facebook.

Back to Africa

This year has been so busy; Germany in May, LA in June, San Diego in July for the James Ray event... our trip to Africa totally snuck up on us. We leave today!! I haven't even posted my photos from Germany yet. Where does the time go?

Ten years ago, we visited Kenya for my first international vacation. Wow, that was also the first time I travelled with Larry The Lizard. Since then, we've been to a lot of truly amazing places like Tikal, Machu Picchu and Easter Island to name just a few, but Kenya has always been my favorite. Something about seeing so many animals in their natural home... I can't describe the serenity and beauty of that. And the people - they were all so friendly, open, proud and happy. Even if they had nothing - they were proud and happy. It is simply how things should be. That was the trip we learned to give away as much as we travelled with as possible - something I'm glad to say we've done on all our trips (well not all, nobody in London or Germany really cared about our hand-me-downs).

This Africa trip takes us to Uganda, Rwanda and Tanzania, and it is all about seeing the mountain gorillas. We'll be doing treks into the jungle to see the gorillas in Uganda and Rwanda, three times total. I've heard so many raves about seeing the gorillas from other travelers we've met around the globe - this trip truly is a dream come true. Then on all the other days, we'll have traditional safari game drives and all sorts of adventures I hadn't even considered till I read the itinerary just a couple days ago. This is the first trip we haven't read up on or bought guide books for. We're just going.

Of course not being aware of this trip and digging into the preparation is all on me. The past month has been such a bizarre roller coaster for my thoughts and feelings. Ever since I got back from the James Ray event in San Diego at the end of July -- I've been out of sorts. I learned a lot about myself at the event. A lot that I don't like. Some days I've been fired up to take on the world and create the life I want - then the next day I'll just want to hide in bed. Lots of old patterns came back, hard. I already don't want to come home from this vacation. Part of me is hoping something goes wrong so I can't come home. Friends wishing me "safe travels" sort of piss me off. I'd rather be wished a gorilla ripping me apart or a plane crash on our last day. God, have I always been this morbid? Will be interesting to see what being disconnected from everything does to my mindset. I plan on doing a lot of writing.

Anyway, I doubt there will be updates till we are back home. You can visit some of the lodges we'll be staying at, and see some of the sites we'll see at the Volcanoes Safaris site.

The Cleanse - Midway Point

Lori left the James Ray event last month with the desire to do a cleanse/detox before we headed to Africa. This is a program she learned of while taking a nutrition class about four years ago. Back then, I lasted three days on an all organic juice diet, and she made it five days. This time we are doing the full twelve day program.
It started on Monday, with eating only organic fruits, vegetables, rice and lentils. The first time we did this, we went straight to juice. Easing into it is much easier, neither of us have really been hungry. And I tell you, after a day of just fruit and veggies - a bowl of lentils tastes like the best thing in the world, and is shockingly filling.
We also drink a Master Cleanse each day. A nasty sounding concoction that is actually tasty. Water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. Mmmm.. . that's good eatin'.
After three days of fruits and veggies we enter the challenging portion of the regime; six days of organic juices - NOTHING else.
Today is my third day of juice and sixth day of the overall cleanse (half-way, SWEET!). I'm down 8 pounds and find myself enjoying such formerly torturous drinks as tomato juice and carrot juice. My stomach rumbles a lot, but actual hunger pains have only risen once. I expected to wake up each morning ravenous, but it just doesn't happen.
The biggest lessons so far are how much eating is automatic, and just because it is "time" to eat. This has been the easiest diet I've ever been on. Probably because I didn't approach it as a diet, but rather a healthy cleaning out of my system. My nose has been running since yesterday. I'm not sure if that is another toxin release or I've got a cold. The grossest thing I recalled from four years ago was my tongue. Most toxins get released there and it felt and looked disgusting. This time around we're prepared with tongue scrapers and I scrape my tongue about 4 or 5 times a day.
I've also been all over the place emotionally, which has been true since the Creating Absolute Wealth event, but can also be a side effect of a cleanse. I feel like living proof of male PMS. All sorts of shit can rise up from the body. Speaking of that - I find it amazing that after days of zero food, it is still true; "Everyone Poops."
There is still one effect of the detox I'm waiting to experience - mental clarity. Last two days I've felt rather dulled in the head, like I'm on antihistamines.
We survived our gym workout Thursday night and I'm totally confident I'll see this through to the end. The next interesting thing will be to see what happens when I can eat again. Will I not even care about food, or will I pig out? I'll let you know.

Creating Absolute Wealth with James Ray

We've been home for a week from Creating Absolute Wealth with James Ray. It was a week of learning and a lifetime of lessons crammed into three days in San Diego at the end of July. I'm still trying to comprehend and integrate everything I learned. It's been tough, because I didn't like everything I discovered about myself. I found lots of limiting beliefs that keep me playing life small and I'm struggling to rid myself of them.

I won't go into details about the event, because hopefully you'll end up there yourself. I thought it was going to be about how to attract more money into my life - but it was so much more, because true wealth is so much more than money. CAW is very immersive and experiential. What each person gets from it is just what they need, but the surprise of each game and road trip (this is not about sitting in a hotel ball room for lectures) is of tremendous value. How you are in any game, is how you show up in life. I really love going into these sort of things blind - having no clue what might happen but knowing it will all be good. That was seriously put to the test over the entire weekend. There were multiple times I just wanted to run away. Lori said she saw the panic in my face numerous times - but I stayed and played as full-on as I could, with the help of James' fantastic staff. There was also plenty of fun and good times along the way. Our table even won the "jingle" contest one night. We had to write and perform a song about the weekend. The event ended with a great black tie affair and everyone dancing late into the night.

One detail I can share is something I witnessed which certainly proved to be the lowlight/highlight. I was wandering around San Diego alone, wondering what I was going get from the weekend; what did I need to learn most? I spotted a woman standing outside the railing of a balcony on the third level at a mall. I thought it was some sort of stunt because ComicCon was going on. She jumped. It wasn't a stunt. I was the only witness who had the vantage point to know it was intentional. I gave statements to the police and mall security. If you know anything about me, you know suicide is about the biggest button I have to push. Later, I found myself standing where she jumped from, it had only been about a half-hour but the blood stained concrete was cleaned up and the t-shirt kiosk the woman landed on was once again selling "I Love San Diego" shirts to tourists. It was so surreal to see how quickly life moves on.

I couldn't understand why she would do it. Why anyone would do. And I cried. Tears of joy - joy for being alive. That was HUGE for me. And while standing there, I noticed Lori walk into the scene below - first time I've seen her all day. Very wild. In fact all weekend, starting at the airport in Boston, people were commenting about what a great couple we were, how cute we were together, how much in love we were.... it was like I was trapped in some bad romantic comedy.

The whole weekend was horrible and fantastic at the same time. A real roller coaster of tears and laughs. But I'm so glad I went and wish you the same opportunity. If you aren't growing, you're dying.

One of my favorite lines from the weekend is: "It is more noble to imperfectly pursue your own dreams and passions than to perfectly pursue someone else's."

One thing I decided on at CAW was my first tattoo, and I acted on that this past weekend. "Grateful" - so I never forget.

We flew home last Monday and had AC/DC tickets for Gillette Stadium on Tuesday. My head was spinning so much, and the nights of 3-4 hours of sleep was wearing on me. I thought of blowing it off. But we went ,and it was fantastic! Just what we needed. Feeling very jet-set and wealthy indeed.

We have another event with James, "Quantum Leap", in November. And once again, I have no idea what's in store for us.