Homer and His Lessons Live On

Exactly one year and one month ago, my favorite dog in the world, Homer, was struck and killed by a car in front of our house. The next morning I wrote a blog post about the life lessons Homer taught me. In March, that post grew into an ebook, Homer the Hound Dog's Guide to Happiness, which has gotten rave reviews from readers all over the world.

That blog post was also shared with author and publisher Louise Hay, when a friend pointed me to her Facebook post asking for stories of pet loss for a book she was writing.

Today, that book, You Can Heal Your Heart, is released. It is all about grief and healing a broken heart from a variety of situations. When co-author, David Kessler, called me a few months ago to let me know my story was going to be in the chapter on pet loss, he warned me that our names would probably be changed. He said Homer became Buddy in the final manuscript. I told him it would mean a great deal to me if Homer was Homer. He agreed to check with the book editor.

Just last week I spoke with David again, he informed me that "Homer is Homer and Andy is Andy". I was thrilled! "Lessons From Homer" is the subhead in the pet loss chapter. I'm anxiously waiting to hold the book in my hands. This blows me away for many reasons.

Louise Hay and me

First, Louise Hay is an icon of personal triumph and growth. Her book, You Can Heal Your Life, was a life-saver for me. I've lost count of how many times I've read it. A couple years ago I had the chance to meet and chat with her, and her presence was such pure love, I never wanted to step away.

More surprisingly, and what moves me to tears every time I think of it, is that in a mere 13 months Homer went from being a lifeless body I cradled in my arms, to having his love and wisdom span the globe, impacting thousands, even hundreds of thousands of people. I somehow feel more connected to Homer now than ever. I can't wait to see what he does next.

Holotropic Dance Party

Yesterday I took part in my 7th Holotropic Breathwork and it was by far the most celebratory one I've done. From the very first moments I was laughing and dancing on my mat, having a grand ol' time.

For those who don't know; Holotropic Breathwork is a group event of self-exploration that uses rapid, deep breathing and loud, evocative music (think tribal drumming, instrumentals, ancient chants, nothing has English lyrics) to enter a non-ordinary state of consciousness. It can seem very much like an acid trip, but you aren't under the influence of anything except for your self. After breathwork you draw your experience in a mandala. I can't draw for shit (especially after a 2 1/2 hour Holotropic trip), but I love my mandalas. I even wrote a book about my prior Holotoropic Breathwork experiences because I want more people to know about this process and give it a try.

Dancing on strings

My session was very music driven. At the start I was tiny and jumping on guitar and piano strings trying to avoid the one being struck, then as the music became more drumming tracks I was hiding under different drum heads, avoiding being struck. It was all a fun game. Felt like I was part of a con man's shell game, that I was the pea. Even though I'm actually just lying on my back on a matt and this is all happening in my mind (or in some other realm?) I was dancing, swaying, and gyrating to the music the whole time.

As the songs went on, I found myself in this huge underground dance club all carved out of stone. It looked like Stonehenge had been rebuilt as some sort of goth, gay, fetish, dance club. I was like a tourist being shown all around and these huge German muscle men who were dripping in sweat and oil kept coming up to me saying, "We want to oil you up." I laughed out loud each time, because they kept reminding me of the Saturday Night Live characters, Hanz and Franz, saying "We want to pump you up!"

Orgy

There was a different style of mayhem and debauchery in every corner of this place; it had orgies, hula dancers, African Masai warrior dancers, people pouring hot wax onto each other, and all sorts of scenes out of something like Eyes Wide Shut. It seemed like every culture and every fetish was represented and I just kept laughing at each new sight, each new discovery. The music was cranking, the bass was pumping, lights and glitter were flying everywhere - then the Pope arrived! He was atop the whole scene in an elevated DJ booth. Turns out this secret underground club is beneath the Vatican!

Pope goes clubbing

The Pope was going totally sick throwing streamers and glitter all around, loving everyone, reigning over the debauchery and fun. The Germans kept offering to oil me up and tried teaching my different dances. I just laughed and laughed and laughed. Everyone was insanely buff and gorgeous (like when Homer Simpson tells a story and he looks like Hercules in his mind.) I commented to people around me that this was some sort demented Dance Party USA, the Pope yelled out, "No! It's Dance Party Universe!"

The music slowed down a bit and became this amazing, heavy bass riff. I turned to follow a couple German muslceheads into a tunnel. Actually we were all earthworms now and were creating a tunnel through the rock and dirt to leave the Pope's bash. We burrowed and tunneled further and further into the ground, as the bass kept getting louder and deeper, shaking everything around us.

Hell bass jam

We finally broke through to some sort of cave and there was Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue, Gene Simmons from Kiss and the Devil all playing bass. Nothing but bass, and it ROCKED! We were all headbanging in hell! The Devil had this amazing red, glass upright bass. He said he was just a misunderstood character out for some fun. It was all I could do to not leap up on my mat and start throwing my fists in the air. It was like I was at the best, most intense concert ever. It was definitely turned up to 11!

Lighter of Light

The music moved into a slower, lighter, orchestral section and I ascended up out of hell. It was still very much in a rock and roll theme as I was raised up on some infinite rising platform straight out of a KISS stage show. As I rose higher and higher, I received messages of, you are much more than that, you have a bigger role than to just rock out. This was the first period of tears in my breathwork. (Unlike my initial breathwork experiences a few years ago which were nothing but tears.) I was overwhelmed with love and joy, also with a sense of purpose and meaning. I was shedding tears of joy, not pain or sadness. I was told I'm a "Lighter of Light" - which is a phrase I've heard repeatedly in recent months as I've worked in my Akashic Record.

Then I entered a very serene and peaceful period. Similar to a very deep state of meditation. It was timeless and blissful. I recall one scene of yelling at my wife, Lori, who wasn't there, "Enough with the raisins!" Every time she comes across food with raisins she goes on and on about how much she hates raisins, and raisins ruin food... Muffins and cookies with raisins were served that day and that all popped into my mind somewhere between Heaven and hell.

Homer

The only other time I remember crying was when I felt my late dog Homer's presence. Homer is actually part of a book by Louise Hay and David Kessler coming out on Feb 4, called You Can Heal Your Heart. Sobbing, I asked Homer if he was happy with what I've done with his lessons, his story. He was. He told me he was proud of me and so appreciated my work in spreading his wisdom. The book from Louise Hay comes out exactly 1 year and 1 month from the day Homer was killed. Then I saw our first cat, Garfield. I remember saying, You guys didn't even know each other.  Many years passed between Garfield getting killed by coyotes and us getting Homer. They said, we know each other now! And then our other deceased cat, Samantha, whom did share our home with Homer too sauntered by. The music transitioned into a beautiful harp composition and Homer was now playing the harp with his tail.

I was filled with so much love, peace and joy. I wallowed in those emotions for the remainder of my time. When I opened my eyes about 2 1/2 hours after I'd closed them, I didn't feel out of it or disoriented. I was so ready to get to my mandala, I had been drawing it in my mind all along. Wishing I had the skill the get the amazing scenes in my head onto paper. But alas, I'm still a kindergartener when it comes to marking up paper.

Here is the entire mandala.

Dance Party Universe!

At home that night, Lori and I were watching Saturday Night Live and one of my favorite characters, Stefon: showed up again. Stefon is the city correspondent on Weekend Update and I realized that my Dance Party Universe was one of Stefon's clubs. This place has everything...

This breathwork was also special because I introduced a friend to it. At first she was nervous and scared, asking why would anyone do this more than once? Three hours later, it was "I can't wait to do this again!"

Talking About Suicide

I recently discovered a very cool website, TalkingAboutSuicide.com, working to remove the stigma of suicide attempts by allowing people to openly share their stories. The site was created by Cara Anna, a journalist and suicide attempt survivor, and has dozens of frank, open discussions about depression, suicidal thinking, attempts and what comes after.

In case you didn't realize it, I am a survivor of years of suicidal thoughts and multiple suicide attempts.

You can read my full interview here.
http://talkingaboutsuicide.com/2013/10/27/talking-with-andy-grant/

Life Lessons From My Dog

Homer

Six Life Lessons Homer Taught Me

Live In The Moment

The present moment is all that matters, nothing in the world lives this way quite like dogs and Homer rocked that out hard.

He jumped off our bed each morning ready and eager for the day. He never held a grudge or was stuck in the past. When Lori or I came into the house, whether we’d been gone five minutes, five hours or five days, Homer was waiting at the door. Tail wagging, face radiating, absolutely thrilled to see us again. He greeted every moment like it was a long lost friend.

Treat Everything Like It's Your First Time

Each meal, each treat, each walk, each person was met by Homer with such vigor, excitement and fun. His energy and enthusiasm was infectious. Everything was a celebration. Homer had a lust for life unlike any other dog I’ve met.

Ask For What You Want

Homer was a master manifester. He would sit, whine, stare, drool, beg… whatever it took to get what he wanted. It never failed to work. His perseverance and tenacity was amazing. People always gave in and gave him a treat, pet, hug…whatever it was that Homer wanted.

Unconditional Love

Give and receive it. Be a conduit of love. Homer enjoyed other dogs but he loved people. He lived to sniff, snort, and smell people, and nothing made his eyes light up like being pat by a stranger when he was out for a walk. 

Homer loved and protected our kitten, Marge, to such an extent that when Marge became fully grown and would lunge at Homer and smack him in the face with her paws, he wouldn’t even bark at her. He just took it, because he loved Marge.

Don’t Judge

Don’t judge yourself or others. Most of the time Homer was a Zen Master - so sweet, easy going and relaxed. Once, a neighbor's dog bit Homer in the cheek. Homey just stood there shocked, like “What’s your problem, man?" But when thunder or fireworks struck; lookout! He would be a shaking mess and bolt for a spot in the basement without any windows to ride the storm out. It was his own personal panic room. He didn’t care what I thought, what you thought, and he didn’t cast judgment on himself for his anxieties, his many anxieties. He was also the rare dog that hated car rides. He would start drooling and trembling just seeing us pack luggage. The back seat of our car would be a lake even after a short drive with Homer in the car.

Leave An Impact

Homer was hit by a car and died Friday Jan 4, 2013 at the age of 9 1/2. The outpouring of love and support from friends, family and neighbors has astounded me. Homer gave nothing but love and has left a sad hole.

The sky seemed duller when I first opened my eyes this morning. The house too quiet. Life itself seems stiller, emptier.

It hurts to wake up and not have him laying at my feet.

It hurts to look out any window and not see him in the yard.

It hurts to see his tracks in the snow, knowing their won’t be anymore.

It hurts to not hear his many sighs and moans; he was like an old Jewish man.

It hurts to not to have my living alarm clock wake me up to get him breakfast.

It hurts to put on my socks and shoes without him coming to sit beside me.

It hurts to walk into each room and find it empty.

It hurts to not hear his early warning system when anyone comes down our driveway.

It hurts to not put my used dish on the floor for my heavy breathing dishwasher.

It hurts to see each toy, knowing it won’t be played with again.

It all hurts because there was so much love and joy.

Now it has moved on. We were spoiled.

Guest Blogging and Positive Psychology

I've had the pleasure of being a guest blogger on a couple sites this week.

I invite you to check out "Keep The Good Going: The Choice Is Yours" on the NAMI Mass blog. NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness and I spoke at the Massachusetts convention last October.

The other blog post is at EssenceCoaches.com, a new group of energy coaches I'm part of. I'm a featured coach this week and wrote a short piece on Transformation. I was also interviewed along with two other coaches on the Meet The Coaches Blog Talk Radio program Monday night. Check out my bio page to learn more about essence energy work.

Both posts were greatly influenced by the Certificate in Positive Psychology program I'm currently taking. It is being taught by professor and author, Tal Ben-Shahar and has been outstanding so far. Earlier this month I spent an immersion week at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in the Berkshires of Western Mass as part of the program. It was an amazing week of lectures, exercises, new friends and many things I don't normally do, like yoga every morning and dance yoga with a hundred people. It made for quite a strange transition going from Kripalu to working on Cheerleaders vs. Redneck Zombies!

I've visited Kriplau a couple times before for Holotropic Breathwork, but had never been there for a full week or had time to explore their many offerings. This time I tried Cranial Sacral Therapy, Reflexology and Neuromuscular Therapy.

Cranial Sacral was not at all what I expected! I thought it was some sort of head massage but it was a full-body, slow-motion wrestling sort of thing. I was twisted into all sorts of shapes and positions that I was surprised I could be in, yet I was so calm and relaxed I could have fallen asleep. And it definitely put me in altered state - swear I was seeing sound waves at dinner after my session, and it felt like I was on a major delay from someone asking me a question and me having any clue that I should respond. Very, very trippy. My altered state only lasted for an hour or so (I think) and I will definitely try this again.

I've heard of Reflexology for many years but this was my first experience with it. It was quite cool and relaxing. Nothing near as trippy as Cranial Sacral. It was wild to have so many sensations in my feet which I thought had two options; ticklish and numb. Bizarre to have my lip twitch or an arm jolt due to touching one point on a foot.

Neuromuscular Therapy, which is the most painful thing I've ever experienced, was much more than a traditional massage. I was so close to screaming STOP! Great practice for going to my happy place and breathing into pain. Whoever created this must be a big fan of banging his head against the wall because it feels good when you stop.

I get to do it all again in April when we have another immersion week. Already looking forward to it.

Holotropic Breathwork Round 6: The Joyous Millipede

Yesterday I took part in my sixth Holotropic Breathwork experience and it was the most fun-filled one yet. My prior experiences have ranged from traumatic roller coaster rides of emotion with lots and lots of tears to extremely blissful meditations free of any visuals or sensations.

In fact, my prior session in September 2011 was so uneventful I was in no rush to breathe again. Luckily, I've turned Lori onto this and she wanted to do it again. This weekend was her fourth time and the third time we were partners. In Holotropic Breathwork each breather is teamed up with a sitter for a breathing session, then roles are switched for the next session so each person does both roles before the day is done.

Lori went first and seemed to have a very happy and content experience. Her hands flowed and danced about while she had a big beaming smile on her face for almost the entire first hour. Then she went into a long period of stillness and quiet only to have a more visible experience singing and sliding about on her mat for another twenty minutes before being quite and still again until the music stopped after 2 1/2 hours.

This round for me was the first time I truly had no expectations. I had already had life changing experiences and experiences that felt like glorified naps, whatever was going to show up today - I was cool with it. I was rewarded with a very cool and joyous ride. It was the most flat out fun I've ever had in breathwork. There wasn't a single tear shed.

The music is a huge component of breathwork and the soundtrack was full of great tribal drumming and the most vocalization I'd encountered. None of it was in English, but I was converting some of it into messages that fueled my experience.

I don't really recall the music starting. There was a point I felt like I'd just landed on the mat, noticed the music was cranking and I thought I better get my breath cranking because I have no idea how long I've zoned out for. I started my deep, non-stop breathing and the music had all sorts of singing in some language, I'll guess Hindi, that started creating the most amazing scene. It was a combination of Muppet sort of folks, dozens of Plush Larry's, and the Star Wars cantina band. Characters were all sorts of shapes and sizes, a few blue puffy guys were even playing the cello. I was smiling so much, filled with such joy and entertainment I was laughing out loud as I lay on the mat with my eyes closed. This "show" went on for a while and it felt like the most fun I could ever have inside my head - or where ever this was happening. At times all the Plush Larry's created a chorus and were singing to the music playing in the room.

At one point I realized I was a millipede and I was racing through the jungle trying to get to the source of the music before the song stopped. It was a very tribal sounding piece of music with some singing and I wanted to find the people and join in on the fun. On the mat I was moving my feet, legs and shoulders a lot - in fact Lori later told me I was moving my mat and lots of the stuff around me, but my arms weren't used. Which makes perfect sense since I was a millipede. As the tempo of the music sped up I moved faster and faster, yet my millipede self never felt panicked. He was so digging the music, full of joy, he/I just hoped to find the party before they stopped. At one point I burst out laughing again because I saw an old blue VW bus and Hurley from Lost was driving. He yelled out an encouraging, "Dude!" to me and was gone.

The music changed to another track but it was close enough in theme to keep my millipede-self going and I came upon a fire where a bunch of natives were dancing and celebrating. I tried to stand up and join in. I wanted to dance with them. But millipedes can't stand up. I kept trying and falling down. But there was no sense of frustration. There was never a time when I was going to give up. Trying was fun. It made me think about learning to walk - that kids just keep trying and the trying is fun. During the time I'm shifting, squirming and shimming up and down my mat and I was going into a bridge pose trying to get my millipede self standing up. It was an insane amount of fun.

My mandala March 10, 2012

Next thing I recall was that my legs turned to roots and I became one with the earth. I started having a bit of ayahuasca flashbacks and swear that old taste was in my mouth as I became a plant and then the earth. So I was the entire planet for a while, knowing, realizing and feeling that all the creatures and people I had seen were me. They were part of me and created by me all at the same time. Then some metamorphosis happened I shot up into the sky as pure energy and spent something between 20 minutes and a millennia soaring through the cosmos and floating amongst the stars.

Pretty, pretty cool.

Live Workshop: Energy Tools To Rock Your Life!

I happily announce my premiere workshop, “Energy Tools To Rock Your Life” on Thursday April 5, 2012 at Heaven on Earth in Pembroke Ma.
To register online CLICK HERE

Do you ever feel scattered, disconnected or scared to take the next step in your life?
Imagine being centered, focused and excited about your journey.

Do you ever feel disempowered, not heard or maybe even invisible to the world?
Imagine reclaiming your personal power, decreasing struggle and creating your life instead of reacting to it.
See yourself living a life free of doubts, fears and limitations.

As Oprah said in her farewell show:
“You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others….All life is energy and we are transmitting it at every moment. We are all beaming little signals like radio frequencies, and the world is responding in kind.”

Energy work is much better experienced than explained and this evening will be all about experiences. You will experience your own energy. You will learn tools that you can use on a daily basis to better your life; such as how to get yourself present in any moment, to feel more grounded, to tap into the joy of life. You will learn how to reclaim your own power and better create boundaries so you will no longer feel like some people suck the life out of you. There will also be laser coaching for a brave volunteer or two, discussion about other modalities such as EFT and Ho’oponopono and plenty of Q&A.

Come out and play!

April 5, 2012 Energy Tools to Rock Your Life 6:30 – 9:00 p.m.
Andy Grant Heaven On Earth Pembroke, Ma $45 (for 1) $40 (2 or more)
Register Online CLICK HERE

Totally Awesome To Be Alive!

Saturday was my fifth experience with Holotropic Breathwork, the fourth time in the past year, and the second time Lori and I teamed up as partners. Once again it was unlike any prior time. I fell into a very deep meditative state even before the music and breathing was supposed to start. Suddenly I found myself laying on my mat, realizing the tribal music was cranking and I needed to get breath fast and deep. I had no idea how much time had passed and I thought "Oh no! I'm missing it." This went on a few times, I thought I wasn't getting much out of it. I had very few conscious memories or experiences. I was either in the room thinking I was missing it or I was in some zone so deep I got no "story" from it.  I remember laughing out loud a few times at my thoughts that I wasn't getting anything - some part of me knew better.  A few times when the bass of the music had the floor vibrating it felt like every cell of mine was vibrating and ascending.  As I floated above into some golden dimension, I took one step forward and completely lost my balance and "landed" back on the mat, in the room, with the music cranking and people breathing and wailing around me. I laughed again.  I felt like, ah you think you are ready for this enlightenment? Think again kid!  I was considering opening my eyes with a disapointed feeling when the music stopped.  Three hours had gone by - wow. Yesterday I felt out of it, wondering what was I integrating since I didn't have much memory of things happening.  But today I woke up feeling so ALIVE, so AWESOME  that I declared it to be Totally Awesome To Be Alive Day.



Lori enjoyed her experience and looked gorgeous as she went on her ride. She was doing all sorts of cool motions with her hands, sort of a mix of sculpting and dancing at times. She sat up on a number of occasions and it took all my control not to wrap her up in a hug. Her session ended really cool as the creator of this process and a founding father of Transpersonal Psychology, 80-year-old Stan Grof laid down next to her and held her hand. She opened her eyes and looked at him like a new-born baby. She said, "The Universe is purple! Do you see it?"  Stan, replied "No, but I'm glad you do."  She went on to say, "No matter how much you give, it all comes back to you." It was beautiful to watch.

Everything Is Energy - LIVE

Still riding high after an amazing week in Boulder, CO with David and Kristin Morelli and a few hundred other fantastic people.  The Morelli’s hosted a 3-day event, Everything Is Energy LIVE, that Lori and I attended.  A couple weeks before the event I felt called to serve as a volunteer, so with my extended hours and working through meal breaks I didn’t really get to see Lori much, but we both had quite a time.  Not always good during it, but great by the end.

I ended up working on the video production side, which was pretty fun as that was my job for much of the 90’s.  It also gave me lots of behind the scenes access to the whole event, the opportunity to be part of a great team lead by Robert MacPhee and let me be close to David and Kristin as I was responsible for getting the wireless mics on them – and that Kristin can be a tough one to wrangle.  She once made it to the stage and was dancing before I could strap her in.

The volunteers were also responsible for holding the space, creating a safe place for growth and transformation while keeping the room grounded.  Now, I’ve heard the term “holding space” tossed around for a while, but this was my first experience truly feeling it and it was powerful.  The energy in that room was astounding.  It was such a cool experience to have strangers compliment my space holding and say how much they enjoyed my energy.  I made lots of great connections with attendees and my fellow coaches.

Aside from great teachings from Kristin and David the event featured guests, Dr. Alex Loyd of The Healing Codes, musician Robert Gass – who lead some of the most powerful meditations and truly had the place whipped into a frenzy with some chanting - and Gay Hendricks just making it under the wire after a missed flight.

There were many powerful meditations and exercises.  I tried to keep an eye on Lori and sometimes knew we were thinking of the same thing during some couples work even when I couldn’t be next to her.  There were lots of intense times that made the weekend feel like it was weeks long, none more so than speaking on stage about my past of depression and suicide attempts.  It was very difficult yet rewarding at the same time, and it just melted my heart to see Lori in the audience looking back at me in tears.  We’ve been through some major shit together and I’m so fortunate to have her in my life.  Once the event ended and people streamed out of the room we found each other and just stood there locked in an embrace for quite a while.

Sunday afternoon was the graduation ceremony for my yearlong energy coaching program, Enwaken. A majority of the 100+ Enwakeners from around the world were in the room and we could feel the ones who didn’t make it anyway.   We got to hear from Gay Hendricks again and we each said something about our journey on stage.  All I remember is I was bawling.  In fact, I’ve been in tears everyday since Labor Day.  This has been quite a month.  And quite a year.  And quite a life.

We had the celebration rocking the lobby as one of the coaches, Dan, is an amazing singer and piano player.  The hotel asked us to stop due to noise complaints and I realized the gym was open 24/7 so Dan grabbed his own keyboards from his car and we moved the party into the gym – even with a couple guys working out.  It was all fun and games till someone got hurt, by my hand of course which has ended many a party in the past, but Tina can take a medicine ball to the face like a trooper and we sang and danced till 12:12am on Sept 12.

Monday kicked off another three-day event, the wrap-up of the Enwaken Leadership program, a special six-month program for leading groups.  That was another wild ride with lots of breakdowns and breakthroughs.

I flew home on the red eye Wednesday night and now, Friday night, I’m at Kripalu in Lenox Ma for another round of Holotropic Breathwork tomorrow.  I was at this very event a year ago, this time Lori has joined me.  It was here last year that I first saw the burning heart image that is now tattooed on my arm.  95 people are here and we know five of them from prior breathwork, so that is really cool.  I have no idea what’s left in me to come out after such an intense time in Boulder, the great part to that is that I have no expectations. That makes breathwork all the better.

No let up in the energy after this weekend.  The Morelli’s annual 40 Days and 40 Nights program kicks off on Tuesday September 20^th.  You can still join if you feel called.  This was the program that first introduced me to David and Kristen about 2 ½ years ago.  Our journey together isn’t over as I’ve been selected to be an apprentice and work with next year’s fresh batch of Enwaken students, so I’ll be back in Boulder again in November for the kick-off to that.  And Lori will be with me once again, as she’s decided to take the Enwaken program herself.  Gonna be another wild ride of a year.

Ceremony

Roughly 24 hours ago I began my first ayahuasca ceremony. And it was indeed a ceremony, much more than merely drinking some ayahuasca. It simply was the most amazing night of my life. I'm going to attempt some descriptions but make no promises of anything making sense.

Setting the stage: Eight people lying in a circle in a quiet secluded house in upstate NY. One-by-one the shaman talks to each of us in private, giving us a gemstone (mine was citrine, which blew my mind because I recently ordered a citrine necklace) and asking if there was anything we wanted healed, had expectations for etc. I was surprisingly not nervous at all and had no expectations. I was ready for whatever I needed to happen. I was told to focus on the oneness, let the plant come into me, think of love and gratitude. Sweet, I thought, I can do that.

Back in the main room, each person kneels before the shaman and drinks a small cup of ayahuasca, then we sat quietly in the dark till it took effect. I had heard so much about how awful it tasted that I actually thought it tasted kind of good as I was prepared to be gagging. It tasted very earthy and organic. Like dirt and ash in a liquid. Yeah, I know sounds gross but somehow it didn't hit me that way. Over the next 30 minutes or so most of the circle laid down. I wasn't feeling much at all, only very slight sensations through my head and seeing shadows spread over the room.  Some folks were almost immediately dry heaving and getting sick. At the 40 minute mark the shaman asked if anyone felt they needed to drink some more. I said yes, and that is when the fun kicked in.

I really have no sense of time from here on in, but pretty quickly laying down on my sleeping bag with my eyes closed I got sensations of vines or tentacles crawling down my throat and spreading throughout my body. It reminded me of a cheesy horror movie but it felt incredibly comforting and soothing. Then like a light switch was turned on I had images of tapestries/graphics, sort of a maze-like design, filling my head.

The ceremony had the shaman singing these amazing songs, icaros, that propelled me into other dimensions. I was sometimes aware of the room and other times on other planes of reality it seemed. And it was all with a tremendous amount of fun and joy. As the singing continued I could sometimes see streams of colors - the thoughts of the shaman - picking the next word to the song. I'd see the word come to vibrant life than leave a trail as others took it in. It was like emotional calligraphy in 3D. Then things turned into sort of a Technicolor, realer-than-3D version of the movie Avatar. The shaman's voice became the plants voice, the earth's voice, nature's voice. I was having spasms with my hands, shoulders, and feet. I was full of so much love and happiness I was going to burst and couldn't stay still.

You know the feeling after a Novocaine injection at the dentist, when for a few hours after the appointment half your mouth doesn't work?  My whole body was like that. Feeling my limbs flop and my hands shake as fast as they could was so much fun. I was laughing hysterically in my head and smiling all night long. Sometimes my laughter would come out but because my tongue and lips weren't working well it would be guttural grunts and snorts that would then send me into absolute hysterics. That went on for hours and hours. I soared all over the place. Sometimes I was aware of the room, then of being connected to the two dogs roaming around the room, and jumping out my skin what a cat brushed against me. But it was a rapturous never-ending moment of joy and love that I simply couldn't contain. I was smashing my hands together like a seal trying to clap when I really liked things I heard or saw. The most repetitive thought I had was, I can't believe how much joy I feel. Life is so fucking AWESOME!!

After what I'm told was three hours the shaman said the ceremony is now over. I thought, are you kidding me? I'm zooming through a couple dozen dimensions here and when I do open my eyes I see a red and blue grid work on everything. Like I'm seeing the wire-frame version of life or everything was covered in graph paper. I kept going in and out of the room, taking on the mind of the dog, feeling the absolute in the moment joy that dogs seem to have in everything they do. I could sometimes here people laughing at my laughing, which made me laugh more. In the morning they told me sometimes the timing of my laughs into their conversations was amazing. I flopped and spasmed and slammed my hands against my chest while having occasional outbursts of laughter for many more hours. I'd sometimes hear Lori's voice and connect with her and feel so much love, it was just amazing. I have no idea how much longer anything lasted but everyone else was drumming and singing so that every time I thought I was coming in for a landing - a drum beat would resonate to my core and just fill full of bliss again - launching more snorting and laughing and flopping around on the floor. Eventually everyone around my seemed to fall asleep as I continued my magic carpet ride. It didn't feel finished until dawn.

It honestly was the most amazing experience I've ever had. I felt more fun, joy, happiness and love than I ever knew was possible. I'm told each ayahuasca experience is different, so since this was so perfect I'm feeling pretty content to leave it at one.  Lori liked most parts of her experience, but did get sick initially.

Good times.

Update: 7/26/11Forgot to mention that one of the participants had a harmonium (which I'd never seen nor heard of before). She brought it out while everyone else was done but I was still zooming along so I didn't see it till the morning, (actually I wasn't even sure it was real or had only been music in my head). Cause, man, that music was as much of a drug as any substance. In my mind it was some giant circus calliope designed by Dr. Seuss. Then other times I was sure some Irish folk band was singing and dancing around me. I was positive people were looking down on me at one point, but the next day Lori said no such thing happened. The music and drumming resonated so deeply in my body and soul, it kept fueling me each time I thought the experience was winding down and I'd just drift off to sleep - the music kicked in, or perhaps I only noticed it again, and off I went into one of the dozens of dimensions I was bouncing around.

Some people have asked how I've felt since. Sunday I was spent. Barely there. Walking in the morning felt like walking on the moon. I was exhausted and dehydrated, somehow starving but not hungry enough to eat. Finally had a meal around 3pm.

I slept soundly and deeply Sunday night. Recall a few vivid flashes of what seemed like some ancient language from the night. I went for a five minute car ride and that was amazing. Every single sight and sound totally distracted me. I wanted to stop and meet every person I drove by. I don't know how Lori drove us home on Sunday, I couldn't have done it. Even today some sounds I hear stop me in my tracks because they seem to be coming from inside of me, not outside. Also some simple, automatic things like using the phone startle and confuse me, it is as if everything is brand new again. Even watching TV on Monday was wild - everything I watched was "the best show ever!"

Ayahuasca Weekend

I love the synchronicities of the universe. When we visited Peru in 2006 our first flight to the Amazon was aborted due to bad weather. Lori and I found ourselves stranded at the airport in Lima with hundreds of other folks for many hours waiting for another flight. One young Peruvian man sitting next to Lori asked why we were visiting Peru and once he learned we were headed to the Amazon he said we had to try ayahuasca.  Neither of us had ever heard of it but he kept saying we had to try it.  It was some sort of hallucinogenic jungle juice made from some amazonian plants and vines that shaman brewed up and you went on some wild trip to find your animal spirit or some crazy shit. I asked how often he'd taken it. Never, he said and laughed. He'd never been out to the jungle but said if you are going you have to try it.

In our journeys we did meet a shaman and when I asked him about ayahuasca he produced a bottle of what looked like thick red wine. He let me hold it but our guide wouldn't let us try it. He said he would get in trouble letting tourists try it.

Years later I learned more about it and that it was part of a powerful ceremony of self exploration. There are vacations you can take to South America that are built around multiple days of drinking ayahuasca. I thought I'd only be able to try it if we returned to Peru, but about a year ago I met someone who was trained as a shaman in Peru and does ayahuasca ceremonies in the US. So this weekend Lori and I will finally be partaking of the ayahuasca experience. Until now the most amazing sort of self exploration trip I've had was with holotropic breathing, and I'm really looking forward to what goes down.  We've been doing a cleansing diet since Wednesday; no processed foods, meat, sugar, salt, fat... The blander your diet the better the experience.

I did a little searching of experiences but after reading a few paragraphs I decided not to read more so I could go into the weekend without any expectations.  I'm looking forward to whatever comes my way, and especially eating some good greasy, meaty food come Sunday.

Holotropic Breathwork - March 19, 2011

Yesterday was my fourth Holotropic Breathwork session and Lori's second. It was our first time with the Boston Holotropic group which made it close and convenient. If you aren't familiar with Holotropic Breathwork, it is a group process of deep accelerated breathing and loud evocative music that puts breathers into non-ordinary states of consciousness where amazing things can happen. I find it to be the most amazing, transformative, and healing experience I've ever come across. It allows for an inner journey, that often seems like a psychedelic trip, yet involves no drugs or alcohol. It is fueled solely by your own breath. The best instruction I heard this weekend was "Breathe until you are surprised."

You work in pairs, there is a breather and a sitter. A sessions goes for 2 - 3 hours then participants swap for a session later that day or sometimes the next day depending on the workshop. Yesterday was the first time Lori and I were partners. The first time, last December in Vermont, that Lori tried it we didn't want our relationship/involvement to effect the other person's experience so we partnered with other people. Now that we are wily veterans it felt fine to work together, and I'm so glad we did.

This weekend included a group of eight breathers at a time and Lori breathed first. It took roughly ten minutes until I was sure she was having an experience. She had a sleep mask covering her eyes and a blanket pulled up to her chin, so the only thing I could clearly see was her mouth. I've never seen such a beautiful sight. Her smile was almost blinding with joy. She rocked in place to the music and became very verbal and active with her arms. The first words I could make out were, "Fly, be free!" She seemed to be throwing things out into the air, then at times was playing with her own hair, tossing it all around having a grand time.

Soon it became clear she was having a full conversation with someone and laughing hysterically through out it. I knew, and she later confirmed, that she was talking to her dad (who passed away almost 29 years ago). She kept saying such things as, "I know, I know", "I will", "Uh huh", "all right", "ok"... and laughing like a loon the whole time. I had so much fun watching her and feeling the love and joy emanating from that smile. Her laughter filled the room and was infectious. As I made eye contact with other sitters and the facilitators wandering the room, they were all laughing too. I've never seen any breathwork experience like this before. I teased Lori earlier that this is supposed to be traumatic and healing, but she just keeps making it fun. She went overboard this time.

Watching my wife so full of love, life and joy was the most amazing experience for me. She's never looked more beautiful to me. A single tear of joy rolled down my face as I lay next to her. I felt like I was witnessing a miracle and I hope that feeling never fades.

Lori's Mandala

At times she sat fully up, laughing like a mad woman, saying "I know, I know", "ok, ok", "That's silly." She was reminiscing all sorts of stories and memories with her dad. Once I heard her say "That's f'd up", because she couldn't swear in front of her dad. She seemed to be having the time of her life and it was an honor to be in her presence.  This lasted for over an hour then it slowly faded away and she got quiet and still with occasional bursts of physical movement. After about two hours and fifteen minutes she opened her eyes and was ready to stop.

My breathing session was in the afternoon and this one was unlike any other. My prior three experiences had a lot of tears, sobs and pain. This time... it seemed just like a really deep meditation. I felt very protected, blessed and that things were healing, yet there were very little visuals, I barely budged the entire time and I didn't have any vivid memories or experiences. At some points I wondered if I'd fallen asleep even. Then suddenly the music stopped and I thought, this can't be over not much than an hour could have passed yet. When I opened my eyes, there were no other breathers in the room and Lori was sitting by my side. She thought I went very deep and had quite an experience because I moved so little and she said there were multiple times it seemed I stopped breathing completely.  Friday night the workshop leader mentioned something called "blue-lip bliss", a meditative state so deep that some people forget to breathe. That seemed to be where I ended up. I was very aware of the people, sounds and movement around me. I could tell others were having quite vivid experiences, people were screaming crying, pounding the floor... I did my best not to feel disappointed and just let whatever happens happen. I had a few visuals, like I was in some universal sized snow globe, protected and safe, the last thing I recall seeing was a gold crown, which made me laugh as it reminded me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It was like I was seeing my quest or something.

My Mandala

Anyway, I got up from my mat quite easily and went to draw my mandala, which was rather bland as I "saw" so little this time. The mandala is a little arts and crafts project you do after your breathing session. Before you even speak about what happened to anyone you put it on paper. It is another way to integrate your experience.

In the closing session someone said, "I've done a lot of drugs in my life, but nothing gets me high like this does." I couldn't agree more. If you like new experiences or are into personal exploration, you owe it to yourself to try Holotropic Breathwork.  For those in the Boston area, there will be another session in Belmont in May. Visit Boston Holotropic for info.

Much more went on in my breathing session that I'm aware of because I slept for over 11 hours last night and have been overcome by tears a few times today, especially when I recall watching Lori.

I have a Millionaire Mind!

This past weekend Lori and I attended T. Harv Eker's Millionaire Mind Intensive in Boston and it totally rocked. It was a surprising mix of spirit, energy, and financial how-to's that we both resonated strongly with. Over three long, high-energy days, we (along with 400 others) sang, danced, cried, laughed, learned to take compliments, be excellent receivers, and once and for all proved to ourselves we are WICKED F'N WORTHY!!

We learned the easiest money management system in the world, simple stock strategies that would have saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars had I known them ten years ago, and concrete steps to take to be financially free. Plus there were many transformative exercises to recognize and eliminate blocks in our own thinking, discovering our financial blue print and changing it.

T. Harv Eker is the author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth and has been running training programs for over 20 years. This was their first time in Boston and they are coming back in June they were so impressed. Plus the lead instructor, Adam Markel, is a UMass grad!

I can't recommend this program enough. You can even attend for free! Click here to see when Millionaire Mind Intensive will be near you and register now! I recommend going for the VIP package which is what Lori and I did, the amount of bonuses you get will blow you away. But if money is tight, take advantage of the free seat and learn all you can.

When you attend, you too will identify your money personality, discover whether money rules you or you rule money, and countless other powerful insights. More powerful than what you learn will be what you unlearn. The old programming that keeps from achieving all you want, financially and in life in general.

It is amazing what Peak Potentials is willing to do to prove the value of their courses. Their mission is "To educate and inspire people to live in their higher self based in courage, purpose and joy." Mine too. We signed up for a stock trading boot camp in June and a class on creating passive income streams in December.

Embedded in Energy

Wow, long time no blog. I've been pretty busy the last couple months and I haven't bothered sharing it all here, so time to play catch-up. As September ended, Lori and I began a 40 day program of live meditations and coaching calls with David Morelli, called the Immersion Solution, which took us right through October.

The Immersion Solution transitioned into a year long coaching training program I'm part of with David, called Enwaken, which kicked off with a live event in Boulder, Colorado the first weekend of November. That event was truly life altering. Beyond meeting so many people in person I've known on-line, some for over a year, was the experiences David opened us to. The program is about learning to see and read energy, something I was itching to learn since I was first introduced to David early in 2009. Well, as is the case with many new things I try, on the morning of the second day of the event I hit my personal wall of fear and doubt. I thought, "this is pointless. I'm not getting it. Time to go home." About ten minutes after I wrote those thoughts down in my notebook, David asked me to step on stage to demonstrate where the chakras are located. One thing leads to another, and I'm on stage for over an hour having my aura read for all in attendance. As if that wasn't enough to blow my mind, by that afternoon all of the attendees were reading each other's auras and energy like we'd been doing it for years as opposed to minutes. I was very glad I stuck around. Now the program is in full gear with multiple two-hour calls a week plus as many practice sessions as I dare do. The insight, validation, discoveries and removal of blocks and limitations that this energy work makes possible is simply amazing. If all this "energy" talk makes you think I'm a nut, that's cool. It wasn't long ago that I would've thought the same thing. Whenever you decide you're open to it, you'll learn more about it. Or not. It's all good.

The last two months were also full of working on my book proposal and videos in support of suicide prevention at SurvivingMyselfBook.com, major changes for Larry The Lizard, more speeches with Toastmasters, a fantastic season for the New England Patriots, holidays, weddings, plus a day job that insists on some of my time (the nerve!).

And now I find myself in December. Man, this year seems to have gone by the quickest of any year in my life. This Friday, Lori and I are headed up to Vermont for a weekend of... no, not skiing. We'll be taking part in a Holotropic Breathwork workshop. This will be my third time and Lori's first. To say the least, it should be interesting.

Letting Go Of The Past

Here is my latest video in support of my coming book, Surviving Myself: A Journey From Suicidal to Happy. I affectionately refer to this one as "Don't Hold On To Your Old Crap!"
You can catch up with any videos you may have missed over at SurvivingMyselfBook.com

The Holotropic Sequel

It has been a week since my Holotropic Breathwork weekend at Kripalu and I'm finally ready to describe the experience, or at least try to. As I posted earlier, this was my second time doing breathwork and this round was as amazing as my first time, while being completely different.

Part of what made the weekend so cool was being able to hear directly from Stanislov Grof, a pioneer in transpersonal psychology, non-ordinary states and their healing potential, psychedelics research and about a dozen other things. He has written many books that you can dig into to learn about his research and experiences.

As for my experience; it began as all Holotropic Breathwork does, with me lying flat on my back on the floor in a large room with 100 other breathers and sitters. We are paired up, so each breather has a sitter to watch over them, then we switch in the afternoon. You simply breath deeper and faster than normal, keeping oxygen circulating through you, never pausing. They blast all sorts of cool tribal, mystical music for three hours and you just stay open to whatever happens.

Things started slow for me. I heard screams and sobs around me and a few songs into the session I wondered if I would feel anything except a nice, calm meditative state. I was sort of floating about blissfully. Then I had the weird urge to move and shimmy. In my first Holotropic experience I hadn't budged at all, so this was new. I squirmed left and right on my back and realized I couldn't separate my legs. I was a tadpole. I had this sense of swimming toward life. It was pleasant and fun. After a few minutes I felt arms grow but they seemed like blunt clubs only, I couldn't do much with them. Then these pulses of energy, like I was riding huge waves, swept through me. It felt like my spine was traveling along a roller coaster track, while at the same time I was in the world's strongest massage chair. My flesh felt like it was vibrating and being pulled back, as if I was leaving the launch pad headed into outer space. On the mat I'm twitching with leg kicks and surges of energy down my entire body. Next came this tremendous pressure all over me, something pushing in against me from all sides. It was strongest at my head. I was scared and I thought "I don't want to go through this alone." The pressure intensifies, my head feels like it is about to burst into flames. The fear increases, then I felt the presence of my wife, Lori. I want to reach out to her and hold her hand, but I can't move. I want a hug. That is when the tears start. She says - "You aren't alone."

Suddenly I'm relaxed. Completely at peace, feeling blissful, calm, and at one with everything. Then I'm unconscious. I don't recall anything until I realize I'm back in the room laying on my back breathing normally. The music is still going. I open my eyes and see people around me still breathing, wailing, even some up and dancing about. I'm a bit disappointed I didn't go for the whole three hours, but I feel so blissed out it doesn't matter after all. I look at Kevin who is sitting beside me and tell him, "I think I'm done." Later I learned that two hours had gone by, I thought it was only twenty minutes or so at the time.

One of the professional facilitators, John, comes over and says I still have plenty of time. He suggests I try breathing again and see what happens. I say OK and close my eyes once more.

A few moments into breathing I'm thinking nothing is going to happen because I'm trying, then I'm soaring in some out of body experience and I start laughing at how wrong I was about this being over. Suddenly, I'm crying - but with no sad thoughts or emotions behind it. I rock back and forth on the mat to comfort myself. I have no control over my body, but I feel full of love. I keep rocking and it feels great. I feel like I'm in some confined yet comforting place. I want to tell someone I want a hug. I can't speak. I can't move my arms. I cry. I sob and gasp for air laying on my back. I hear the music stop and I know it is time to be over. I slowly open my eyes and look around the room. I feel very out of it, not in my body yet. I cry a bit. I notice Stacia, a facilitator laying by my side on my left. Wow, I wonder how long she's been there, almost spooning me without my knowing. I look to my right at Kevin - it's like the warmest smile I've ever seen. I open my mouth to say something and start bawling. I'm crying on my back and can't breathe. I sit up to catch my breath. Now that air is flowing, the sobs and tears really come. But again, there is no emotion or thought, just this huge release of... energy? shit? I don't know. I'm on my knees, with my head in my hands on the mat sobbing. Seems like ten minutes of solid bawling. I'm now surrounded by Kevin, John and Stacia. Every time I think it's done I sit up, try to speak, and start crying again. Finally I'm able to spit out that my only thought was that I wanted a hug. I get lots of them.

I still feel like I'm not in my body, especially my arms, they are numb slabs. Kevin and Stacia work with me, holding my arms as I pull against them, to help me get some feeing again. I stand and feel like I'm walking on the moon. Over the next hour that fades away.

Mandala September 25, 2010

The next phase is drawing a Mandala of the experience. I try to make mine a depiction of all I can remember from the experience. My inner nursery schooler thrives, and my drawing looks like it was done by a four year old, but I like it.

It seems I had some sort of prenatal experience and was born again. I have felt PHENOMENAL all week. Each work day has even amazed me, everything feels brand new and vibrant. And every hug has been AWESOME.

I'm already signed up for another Holotropic weekend in December. This time Lori is joining me. Woohoo!

Holotropic Breathwork

This weekend I'm doing a Holotropic Breathwork workshop at Kripalu Center in western Mass. This will be my first time going there, but not my first time doing Holotropic Breathwork. That was part of the Centerpointe Retreat I did in 2008 and was one of the most amazing things I've ever done. You can read up on the wild ride I had. I have no idea what to expect from the sequel, which is what makes it so exciting. Plus this workshop is being led by the doctor who developed it. Actually, thinking back to what I went through the first time - I hope I can drive myself home come Sunday.

Here is the description of the program:
This is a rare invitation to experience Holotropic Breathwork with Stanislav Grof. This practice, originated by Stanislav Grof and Christina Grof, allows direct access to your own inner healing wisdom. Through simple breathing, a specially designed musical journey, and a safe and supportive setting with trained facilitators, you experience a true non-ordinary state of consciousness, allowing deep self-exploration, personal transformation, and healing.

The weekend begins with a talk by Stanislav on the healing potential of non-ordinary states of consciousness and preparation for the breathwork that will take place on Saturday morning and afternoon. Sunday morning features small-group integration and large-group lecture and questions. In a breathwork session, your wisdom brings you a unique and ideal combination of experiences that can include aspects of your personal history, psychological death and rebirth, transpersonal interconnections, and the greater spiritual reality to which we all belong.

To top it all off, next Thursday we've got 9th row tickets for Roger Waters: The Wall. That show will put me into altered states regardless of what happens this weekend.

Surviving Myself - A Journey from Suicidal to Happy

In case you haven't heard, I'm officially letting the world know that I'm writing a book.  I'll be updating my progress at http://www.survivingmyselfbook.com/ and you can sign up to be notified when the book is ready. Thanks for your support!

Report from Evening with John Holland

Thursday night was the second time we've seen psychic/medium John Holland in four months, which is pretty wild since five months ago I had no idea who he was. We first saw him back in March as part of a double bill with Dr.Brian Weiss - check out that report. He was so entertaining we decided to catch him again as he was nearby in Manchester, New Hampshire.

John doesn't do fortune telling or future reading, rather he connects with the spirits of people who have died (though he says nobody really dies, they just leave the physical form) and passes on messages. He sees images in his mind and translates them to communicate with us here and others on the "other side." He doesn't choose who to talk to, but rather spirits who want to communicate come to him.

We were in a hotel banquet room with a few hundred other people and John begins with a funny speech about his own history and experiences. He uses a lot of humor to raise the energy of the room.  Then he starts his readings. He calls out a name or a scene and says where in the room the energy is, then whoever thinks the message is for them stands up. In one case he had the spirit of a female who missed a wedding. A woman stood up whose mother had died and couldn't be at her wedding. The message from her mom was that she was indeed there, saw it all, and was proud of her daughter. Turns out the daughter wore her mom's dress.

Another one was the spirit of a gruff father who came forward to tell his son he loved him because he never said it when he was alive. The son was blown away. The spirit also congratulated him on being a dad, but the son said he didn't have any kids. Then the woman next to him shoves him and he recalls that his girlfriend is six months pregnant, d'oh!  The father's spirit joked to him that you know I'd never be caught dead at something like this, but here I am!

The spirits pass on little things to John, to prove he's really connected with them. Inside jokes or stories that only the family member can verify, which they usually verified via tears or laughter.  One of the wildest moments was when John was looking for someone who knew a Wilma, quite a rare name outside of The Flintstones. A woman stood and said Wilma was the name of her son's dog - her dead son's dog. When he was alive his mom joked that if you come back with a message you better mention Wilma so I know it's you. Whoa! Then John said he felt like the dog and her son were on top of each other somehow. She explained that the dogs ashes were put on top of her son's coffin and buried. The whole room gasped. That is the sort of wild drama that pulled me back to see John again. Regardless of what you might believe, the amount of jaw dropping emotion is worth the price of admission. I didn't go into this wanting to communicate with any spirits, but rather for the thrill of seeing it happen for others.

One more hilarious thing stood out. John was talking to the spirit of a father whose daughter was in the crowd. His final message was, "Tell your husband most people pay for their Christmas trees." The woman and her friends buckled over in laughter. John told them they had to fill us all in. Well, each year her husband goes out and cuts down a Christmas tree from wherever he sees a good one, never paying, just plucking them from the wild.

The spirits on the other side want you to know they are fine and most of all, they want us to be happy. So thanks, Spirits, I am happy.

Movers and Shakers Video for Hay House

7/12/10 UPDATE: Wow! Cheryl Richardson announced the winners for the video contest tonight and I've been named one of three runners-up. The three of us get a group coaching call with Cheryl. I want to thank Cheryl, Reid, Louise and everyone at Hay House and all the fantastic Movers and Shakers I met in Boston who encouraged me to do the video in the first place.

Back in April, I attended "Movers & Shakers" in Boston, a weekend event for aspiring authors and speakers. When I first heard about the event, I was only aspiring to be aspiring, but I went because it sounded interesting and I needed to start somewhere. Part of the program was a video contest resulting in people being selected for an online event or their own radio show with Hay House. The deadline is June 23, 2010. There were so many amazing, polished, and powerful people at the event; published authors, speakers, counselors, and coaches--people who've been doing their work for years. I never had any intention of submitting a video. Yesterday, after reading some comments by other Movers and Shakers on Facebook, and being prodded by the Kindness Guy himself, I realized winning wasn't the point. Making a video was the point, and since I was afraid to; I had to.
Making it was rough; posting it was even harder. Though I've talked and blogged about this subject for a while, I never enjoy it. If the contest was for most swear-filled outtakes, I'd own it hands down.