Time for me to come clean about why I haven't made a video in three months. I've learned that I don't have to be perfect in order to help, teach and serve others. I'm human just like you. I'll always have doubts and insecurities to face because the only constant in life is change. I'm not a fraud because I still may struggle at times. In fact, I'd be a huge fraud if I claimed to never struggle.
I was so resistant to doing this video that the technology seems to have felt it too. Forgive the slight sync issues with the audio/video. I think the essence comes across regardless.
Wishing you a fantastic new year!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Totally Awesome To Be Alive!
Saturday was my fifth experience with Holotropic Breathwork, the fourth time in the past year, and the second time Lori and I teamed up as partners. Once again it was unlike any prior time. I fell into a very deep meditative state even before the music and breathing was supposed to start. Suddenly I found myself laying on my mat, realizing the tribal music was cranking and I needed to get breath fast and deep. I had no idea how much time had passed and I thought "Oh no! I'm missing it." This went on a few times, I thought I wasn't getting much out of it. I had very few conscious memories or experiences. I was either in the room thinking I was missing it or I was in some zone so deep I got no "story" from it. I remember laughing out loud a few times at my thoughts that I wasn't getting anything - some part of me knew better. A few times when the bass of the music had the floor vibrating it felt like every cell of mine was vibrating and ascending. As I floated above into some golden dimension, I took one step forward and completely lost my balance and "landed" back on the mat, in the room, with the music cranking and people breathing and wailing around me. I laughed again. I felt like, ah you think you are ready for this enlightenment? Think again kid! I was considering opening my eyes with a disapointed feeling when the music stopped. Three hours had gone by - wow. Yesterday I felt out of it, wondering what was I integrating since I didn't have much memory of things happening. But today I woke up feeling so ALIVE, so AWESOME that I declared it to be Totally Awesome To Be Alive Day.
Lori enjoyed her experience and looked gorgeous as she went on her ride. She was doing all sorts of cool motions with her hands, sort of a mix of sculpting and dancing at times. She sat up on a number of occasions and it took all my control not to wrap her up in a hug. Her session ended really cool as the creator of this process and a founding father of Transpersonal Psychology, 80-year-old Stan Grof laid down next to her and held her hand. She opened her eyes and looked at him like a new-born baby. She said, "The Universe is purple! Do you see it?" Stan, replied "No, but I'm glad you do." She went on to say, "No matter how much you give, it all comes back to you." It was beautiful to watch.
Lori enjoyed her experience and looked gorgeous as she went on her ride. She was doing all sorts of cool motions with her hands, sort of a mix of sculpting and dancing at times. She sat up on a number of occasions and it took all my control not to wrap her up in a hug. Her session ended really cool as the creator of this process and a founding father of Transpersonal Psychology, 80-year-old Stan Grof laid down next to her and held her hand. She opened her eyes and looked at him like a new-born baby. She said, "The Universe is purple! Do you see it?" Stan, replied "No, but I'm glad you do." She went on to say, "No matter how much you give, it all comes back to you." It was beautiful to watch.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Everything Is Energy - LIVE
Still riding high after an amazing week in Boulder, CO with David and Kristin Morelli and a few hundred other fantastic people. The Morelli’s hosted a 3-day event, Everything Is Energy LIVE, that Lori and I attended. A couple weeks before the event I felt called to serve as a volunteer, so with my extended hours and working through meal breaks I didn’t really get to see Lori much, but we both had quite a time. Not always good during it, but great by the end.
I ended up working on the video production side, which was pretty fun as that was my job for much of the 90’s. It also gave me lots of behind the scenes access to the whole event, the opportunity to be part of a great team lead by Robert MacPhee and let me be close to David and Kristin as I was responsible for getting the wireless mics on them – and that Kristin can be a tough one to wrangle. She once made it to the stage and was dancing before I could strap her in.
The volunteers were also responsible for holding the space, creating a safe place for growth and transformation while keeping the room grounded. Now, I’ve heard the term “holding space” tossed around for a while, but this was my first experience truly feeling it and it was powerful. The energy in that room was astounding. It was such a cool experience to have strangers compliment my space holding and say how much they enjoyed my energy. I made lots of great connections with attendees and my fellow coaches.
Aside from great teachings from Kristin and David the event featured guests, Dr. Alex Loyd of The Healing Codes, musician Robert Gass – who lead some of the most powerful meditations and truly had the place whipped into a frenzy with some chanting - and Gay Hendricks just making it under the wire after a missed flight.
There were many powerful meditations and exercises. I tried to keep an eye on Lori and sometimes knew we were thinking of the same thing during some couples work even when I couldn’t be next to her. There were lots of intense times that made the weekend feel like it was weeks long, none more so than speaking on stage about my past of depression and suicide attempts. It was very difficult yet rewarding at the same time, and it just melted my heart to see Lori in the audience looking back at me in tears. We’ve been through some major shit together and I’m so fortunate to have her in my life. Once the event ended and people streamed out of the room we found each other and just stood there locked in an embrace for quite a while.
Sunday afternoon was the graduation ceremony for my yearlong energy coaching program, Enwaken. A majority of the 100+ Enwakeners from around the world were in the room and we could feel the ones who didn’t make it anyway. We got to hear from Gay Hendricks again and we each said something about our journey on stage. All I remember is I was bawling. In fact, I’ve been in tears everyday since Labor Day. This has been quite a month. And quite a year. And quite a life.
We had the celebration rocking the lobby as one of the coaches, Dan, is an amazing singer and piano player. The hotel asked us to stop due to noise complaints and I realized the gym was open 24/7 so Dan grabbed his own keyboards from his car and we moved the party into the gym – even with a couple guys working out. It was all fun and games till someone got hurt, by my hand of course which has ended many a party in the past, but Tina can take a medicine ball to the face like a trooper and we sang and danced till 12:12am on Sept 12.
Monday kicked off another three-day event, the wrap-up of the Enwaken Leadership program, a special six-month program for leading groups. That was another wild ride with lots of breakdowns and breakthroughs.
I flew home on the red eye Wednesday night and now, Friday night, I’m at Kripalu in Lenox Ma for another round of Holotropic Breathwork tomorrow. I was at this very event a year ago, this time Lori has joined me. It was here last year that I first saw the burning heart image that is now tattooed on my arm. 95 people are here and we know five of them from prior breathwork, so that is really cool. I have no idea what’s left in me to come out after such an intense time in Boulder, the great part to that is that I have no expectations. That makes breathwork all the better.
No let up in the energy after this weekend. The Morelli’s annual 40 Days and 40 Nights program kicks off on Tuesday September 20th. You can still join if you feel called. This was the program that first introduced me to David and Kristen about 2 ½ years ago. Our journey together isn’t over as I’ve been selected to be an apprentice and work with next year’s fresh batch of Enwaken students, so I’ll be back in Boulder again in November for the kick-off to that. And Lori will be with me once again, as she’s decided to take the Enwaken program herself. Gonna be another wild ride of a year.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Ceremony
Roughly 24 hours ago I began my first ayahuasca ceremony. And it was indeed a ceremony, much more than merely drinking some ayahuasca. It simply was the most amazing night of my life. I'm going to attempt some descriptions but make no promises of anything making sense.
Setting the stage: Eight people lying in a circle in a quiet secluded house in upstate NY. One-by-one the shaman talks to each of us in private, giving us a gemstone (mine was citrine, which blew my mind because I recently ordered a citrine necklace) and asking if there was anything we wanted healed, had expectations for etc. I was surprisingly not nervous at all and had no expectations. I was ready for whatever I needed to happen. I was told to focus on the oneness, let the plant come into me, think of love and gratitude. Sweet, I thought, I can do that.
Back in the main room, each person kneels before the shaman and drinks a small cup of ayahuasca, then we sat quietly in the dark till it took effect. I had heard so much about how awful it tasted that I actually thought it tasted kind of good as I was prepared to be gagging. It tasted very earthy and organic. Like dirt and ash in a liquid. Yeah, I know sounds gross but somehow it didn't hit me that way. Over the next 30 minutes or so most of the circle laid down. I wasn't feeling much at all, only very slight sensations through my head and seeing shadows spread over the room. Some folks were almost immediately dry heaving and getting sick. At the 40 minute mark the shaman asked if anyone felt they needed to drink some more. I said yes, and that is when the fun kicked in.
I really have no sense of time from here on in, but pretty quickly laying down on my sleeping bag with my eyes closed I got sensations of vines or tentacles crawling down my throat and spreading throughout my body. It reminded me of a cheesy horror movie but it felt incredibly comforting and soothing. Then like a light switch was turned on I had images of tapestries/graphics, sort of a maze-like design, filling my head.
The ceremony had the shaman singing these amazing songs, icaros, that propelled me into other dimensions. I was sometimes aware of the room and other times on other planes of reality it seemed. And it was all with a tremendous amount of fun and joy. As the singing continued I could sometimes see streams of colors - the thoughts of the shaman - picking the next word to the song. I'd see the word come to vibrant life than leave a trail as others took it in. It was like emotional calligraphy in 3D. Then things turned into sort of a Technicolor, realer-than-3D version of the movie Avatar. The shaman's voice became the plants voice, the earth's voice, nature's voice. I was having spasms with my hands, shoulders, and feet. I was full of so much love and happiness I was going to burst and couldn't stay still.
You know the feeling after a Novocaine injection at the dentist, when for a few hours after the appointment half your mouth doesn't work? My whole body was like that. Feeling my limbs flop and my hands shake as fast as they could was so much fun. I was laughing hysterically in my head and smiling all night long. Sometimes my laughter would come out but because my tongue and lips weren't working well it would be guttural grunts and snorts that would then send me into absolute hysterics. That went on for hours and hours. I soared all over the place. Sometimes I was aware of the room, then of being connected to the two dogs roaming around the room, and jumping out my skin what a cat brushed against me. But it was a rapturous never-ending moment of joy and love that I simply couldn't contain. I was smashing my hands together like a seal trying to clap when I really liked things I heard or saw. The most repetitive thought I had was, I can't believe how much joy I feel. Life is so fucking AWESOME!!
After what I'm told was three hours the shaman said the ceremony is now over. I thought, are you kidding me? I'm zooming through a couple dozen dimensions here and when I do open my eyes I see a red and blue grid work on everything. Like I'm seeing the wire-frame version of life or everything was covered in graph paper. I kept going in and out of the room, taking on the mind of the dog, feeling the absolute in the moment joy that dogs seem to have in everything they do. I could sometimes here people laughing at my laughing, which made me laugh more. In the morning they told me sometimes the timing of my laughs into their conversations was amazing. I flopped and spasmed and slammed my hands against my chest while having occasional outbursts of laughter for many more hours. I'd sometimes hear Lori's voice and connect with her and feel so much love, it was just amazing. I have no idea how much longer anything lasted but everyone else was drumming and singing so that every time I thought I was coming in for a landing - a drum beat would resonate to my core and just fill full of bliss again - launching more snorting and laughing and flopping around on the floor. Eventually everyone around my seemed to fall asleep as I continued my magic carpet ride. It didn't feel finished until dawn.
It honestly was the most amazing experience I've ever had. I felt more fun, joy, happiness and love than I ever knew was possible. I'm told each ayahuasca experience is different, so since this was so perfect I'm feeling pretty content to leave it at one. Lori liked most parts of her experience, but did get sick initially.
Good times.
Update: 7/26/11Forgot to mention that one of the participants had a harmonium (which I'd never seen nor heard of before). She brought it out while everyone else was done but I was still zooming along so I didn't see it till the morning, (actually I wasn't even sure it was real or had only been music in my head). Cause, man, that music was as much of a drug as any substance. In my mind it was some giant circus calliope designed by Dr. Seuss. Then other times I was sure some Irish folk band was singing and dancing around me. I was positive people were looking down on me at one point, but the next day Lori said no such thing happened. The music and drumming resonated so deeply in my body and soul, it kept fueling me each time I thought the experience was winding down and I'd just drift off to sleep - the music kicked in, or perhaps I only noticed it again, and off I went into one of the dozens of dimensions I was bouncing around.
Some people have asked how I've felt since. Sunday I was spent. Barely there. Walking in the morning felt like walking on the moon. I was exhausted and dehydrated, somehow starving but not hungry enough to eat. Finally had a meal around 3pm.
I slept soundly and deeply Sunday night. Recall a few vivid flashes of what seemed like some ancient language from the night. I went for a five minute car ride and that was amazing. Every single sight and sound totally distracted me. I wanted to stop and meet every person I drove by. I don't know how Lori drove us home on Sunday, I couldn't have done it. Even today some sounds I hear stop me in my tracks because they seem to be coming from inside of me, not outside. Also some simple, automatic things like using the phone startle and confuse me, it is as if everything is brand new again. Even watching TV on Monday was wild - everything I watched was "the best show ever!"
Setting the stage: Eight people lying in a circle in a quiet secluded house in upstate NY. One-by-one the shaman talks to each of us in private, giving us a gemstone (mine was citrine, which blew my mind because I recently ordered a citrine necklace) and asking if there was anything we wanted healed, had expectations for etc. I was surprisingly not nervous at all and had no expectations. I was ready for whatever I needed to happen. I was told to focus on the oneness, let the plant come into me, think of love and gratitude. Sweet, I thought, I can do that.
Back in the main room, each person kneels before the shaman and drinks a small cup of ayahuasca, then we sat quietly in the dark till it took effect. I had heard so much about how awful it tasted that I actually thought it tasted kind of good as I was prepared to be gagging. It tasted very earthy and organic. Like dirt and ash in a liquid. Yeah, I know sounds gross but somehow it didn't hit me that way. Over the next 30 minutes or so most of the circle laid down. I wasn't feeling much at all, only very slight sensations through my head and seeing shadows spread over the room. Some folks were almost immediately dry heaving and getting sick. At the 40 minute mark the shaman asked if anyone felt they needed to drink some more. I said yes, and that is when the fun kicked in.
I really have no sense of time from here on in, but pretty quickly laying down on my sleeping bag with my eyes closed I got sensations of vines or tentacles crawling down my throat and spreading throughout my body. It reminded me of a cheesy horror movie but it felt incredibly comforting and soothing. Then like a light switch was turned on I had images of tapestries/graphics, sort of a maze-like design, filling my head.
The ceremony had the shaman singing these amazing songs, icaros, that propelled me into other dimensions. I was sometimes aware of the room and other times on other planes of reality it seemed. And it was all with a tremendous amount of fun and joy. As the singing continued I could sometimes see streams of colors - the thoughts of the shaman - picking the next word to the song. I'd see the word come to vibrant life than leave a trail as others took it in. It was like emotional calligraphy in 3D. Then things turned into sort of a Technicolor, realer-than-3D version of the movie Avatar. The shaman's voice became the plants voice, the earth's voice, nature's voice. I was having spasms with my hands, shoulders, and feet. I was full of so much love and happiness I was going to burst and couldn't stay still.
You know the feeling after a Novocaine injection at the dentist, when for a few hours after the appointment half your mouth doesn't work? My whole body was like that. Feeling my limbs flop and my hands shake as fast as they could was so much fun. I was laughing hysterically in my head and smiling all night long. Sometimes my laughter would come out but because my tongue and lips weren't working well it would be guttural grunts and snorts that would then send me into absolute hysterics. That went on for hours and hours. I soared all over the place. Sometimes I was aware of the room, then of being connected to the two dogs roaming around the room, and jumping out my skin what a cat brushed against me. But it was a rapturous never-ending moment of joy and love that I simply couldn't contain. I was smashing my hands together like a seal trying to clap when I really liked things I heard or saw. The most repetitive thought I had was, I can't believe how much joy I feel. Life is so fucking AWESOME!!
After what I'm told was three hours the shaman said the ceremony is now over. I thought, are you kidding me? I'm zooming through a couple dozen dimensions here and when I do open my eyes I see a red and blue grid work on everything. Like I'm seeing the wire-frame version of life or everything was covered in graph paper. I kept going in and out of the room, taking on the mind of the dog, feeling the absolute in the moment joy that dogs seem to have in everything they do. I could sometimes here people laughing at my laughing, which made me laugh more. In the morning they told me sometimes the timing of my laughs into their conversations was amazing. I flopped and spasmed and slammed my hands against my chest while having occasional outbursts of laughter for many more hours. I'd sometimes hear Lori's voice and connect with her and feel so much love, it was just amazing. I have no idea how much longer anything lasted but everyone else was drumming and singing so that every time I thought I was coming in for a landing - a drum beat would resonate to my core and just fill full of bliss again - launching more snorting and laughing and flopping around on the floor. Eventually everyone around my seemed to fall asleep as I continued my magic carpet ride. It didn't feel finished until dawn.
It honestly was the most amazing experience I've ever had. I felt more fun, joy, happiness and love than I ever knew was possible. I'm told each ayahuasca experience is different, so since this was so perfect I'm feeling pretty content to leave it at one. Lori liked most parts of her experience, but did get sick initially.
Good times.
Update: 7/26/11Forgot to mention that one of the participants had a harmonium (which I'd never seen nor heard of before). She brought it out while everyone else was done but I was still zooming along so I didn't see it till the morning, (actually I wasn't even sure it was real or had only been music in my head). Cause, man, that music was as much of a drug as any substance. In my mind it was some giant circus calliope designed by Dr. Seuss. Then other times I was sure some Irish folk band was singing and dancing around me. I was positive people were looking down on me at one point, but the next day Lori said no such thing happened. The music and drumming resonated so deeply in my body and soul, it kept fueling me each time I thought the experience was winding down and I'd just drift off to sleep - the music kicked in, or perhaps I only noticed it again, and off I went into one of the dozens of dimensions I was bouncing around.
Some people have asked how I've felt since. Sunday I was spent. Barely there. Walking in the morning felt like walking on the moon. I was exhausted and dehydrated, somehow starving but not hungry enough to eat. Finally had a meal around 3pm.
I slept soundly and deeply Sunday night. Recall a few vivid flashes of what seemed like some ancient language from the night. I went for a five minute car ride and that was amazing. Every single sight and sound totally distracted me. I wanted to stop and meet every person I drove by. I don't know how Lori drove us home on Sunday, I couldn't have done it. Even today some sounds I hear stop me in my tracks because they seem to be coming from inside of me, not outside. Also some simple, automatic things like using the phone startle and confuse me, it is as if everything is brand new again. Even watching TV on Monday was wild - everything I watched was "the best show ever!"
Friday, July 22, 2011
Ayahuasca Weekend
I love the synchronicities of the universe. When we visited Peru in 2006 our first flight to the Amazon was aborted due to bad weather. Lori and I found ourselves stranded at the airport in Lima with hundreds of other folks for many hours waiting for another flight. One young Peruvian man sitting next to Lori asked why we were visiting Peru and once he learned we were headed to the Amazon he said we had to try ayahuasca. Neither of us had ever heard of it but he kept saying we had to try it. It was some sort of hallucinogenic jungle juice made from some amazonian plants and vines that shaman brewed up and you went on some wild trip to find your animal spirit or some crazy shit. I asked how often he'd taken it. Never, he said and laughed. He'd never been out to the jungle but said if you are going you have to try it.
In our journeys we did meet a shaman and when I asked him about ayahuasca he produced a bottle of what looked like thick red wine. He let me hold it but our guide wouldn't let us try it. He said he would get in trouble letting tourists try it.
Years later I learned more about it and that it was part of a powerful ceremony of self exploration. There are vacations you can take to South America that are built around multiple days of drinking ayahuasca. I thought I'd only be able to try it if we returned to Peru, but about a year ago I met someone who was trained as a shaman in Peru and does ayahuasca ceremonies in the US. So this weekend Lori and I will finally be partaking of the ayahuasca experience. Until now the most amazing sort of self exploration trip I've had was with holotropic breathing, and I'm really looking forward to what goes down. We've been doing a cleansing diet since Wednesday; no processed foods, meat, sugar, salt, fat... The blander your diet the better the experience.
I did a little searching of experiences but after reading a few paragraphs I decided not to read more so I could go into the weekend without any expectations. I'm looking forward to whatever comes my way, and especially eating some good greasy, meaty food come Sunday.
In our journeys we did meet a shaman and when I asked him about ayahuasca he produced a bottle of what looked like thick red wine. He let me hold it but our guide wouldn't let us try it. He said he would get in trouble letting tourists try it.
Years later I learned more about it and that it was part of a powerful ceremony of self exploration. There are vacations you can take to South America that are built around multiple days of drinking ayahuasca. I thought I'd only be able to try it if we returned to Peru, but about a year ago I met someone who was trained as a shaman in Peru and does ayahuasca ceremonies in the US. So this weekend Lori and I will finally be partaking of the ayahuasca experience. Until now the most amazing sort of self exploration trip I've had was with holotropic breathing, and I'm really looking forward to what goes down. We've been doing a cleansing diet since Wednesday; no processed foods, meat, sugar, salt, fat... The blander your diet the better the experience.
I did a little searching of experiences but after reading a few paragraphs I decided not to read more so I could go into the weekend without any expectations. I'm looking forward to whatever comes my way, and especially eating some good greasy, meaty food come Sunday.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Where Have I Been?
Facebook and Twitter have really cut down how often I feel compelled to do longer posts, but for the sake of the billions of people I'm not connected with in social media - here's what's been going on.
I've been more active with videos and posts over on my book and suicide prevention site: SurvivingMyselfBook.com and actually had an interview on blog talk radio on Monday. You can check it out here.
Larry The Lizard continues to take the world by storm, Lori's been doing lots of readings of our book "The Globetrotting Adventures of Larry The Lizard: Larry in The Amazon" at area schools and libraries. Larry even went skydiving last weekend.
My Enwaken coaching program continues and has been amazing. I've launched a new website for my Energy Coaching and it has been going very well.
Have seen a few movies this summer, my favorites were "Bridesmaids", "Super8" and the final Harry Potter.
Not many concerts on tap this year. I did see KISS again last week. They played in Manchester, NH as part of their "lost cities" tour. It was really cool to see them in a small place, they couldn't do the full show with Gene and Paul flying around the arena and I didn't miss that one bit. I've never liked when one band member was off on some private stage. I prefer having the whole band together on stage together. I was shocked how much noise the small arena made, I'm pretty sure the place holds less than 10,000 and the show wasn't sold out. I had good seats, straight back from the stage a few rows up off the floor - perfect dead on view of the stage for the KISS spectacle. I don't know if it says more about New Hampshire or KISS, but most of the people in my section were huge and they weren't about to stand up for the show. I don't know how many hundreds of concerts I've been to over the years, but I don't sit down at shows. I hate sitting down for live music. But since I've seen KISS so many times, I gave it a try and it made it a completely new experience. I paid far more attention to the lights, the show, the crowd, and actually listening to the music instead of belting out they lyrics myself. It was a really good time, even if it made me feel old.
I've been more active with videos and posts over on my book and suicide prevention site: SurvivingMyselfBook.com and actually had an interview on blog talk radio on Monday. You can check it out here.
Larry The Lizard continues to take the world by storm, Lori's been doing lots of readings of our book "The Globetrotting Adventures of Larry The Lizard: Larry in The Amazon" at area schools and libraries. Larry even went skydiving last weekend.
My Enwaken coaching program continues and has been amazing. I've launched a new website for my Energy Coaching and it has been going very well.
Have seen a few movies this summer, my favorites were "Bridesmaids", "Super8" and the final Harry Potter.
Not many concerts on tap this year. I did see KISS again last week. They played in Manchester, NH as part of their "lost cities" tour. It was really cool to see them in a small place, they couldn't do the full show with Gene and Paul flying around the arena and I didn't miss that one bit. I've never liked when one band member was off on some private stage. I prefer having the whole band together on stage together. I was shocked how much noise the small arena made, I'm pretty sure the place holds less than 10,000 and the show wasn't sold out. I had good seats, straight back from the stage a few rows up off the floor - perfect dead on view of the stage for the KISS spectacle. I don't know if it says more about New Hampshire or KISS, but most of the people in my section were huge and they weren't about to stand up for the show. I don't know how many hundreds of concerts I've been to over the years, but I don't sit down at shows. I hate sitting down for live music. But since I've seen KISS so many times, I gave it a try and it made it a completely new experience. I paid far more attention to the lights, the show, the crowd, and actually listening to the music instead of belting out they lyrics myself. It was a really good time, even if it made me feel old.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Holotropic Breathwork - March 19, 2011
Yesterday was my fourth Holotropic Breathwork session and Lori's second. It was our first time with the Boston Holotropic group which made it close and convenient. If you aren't familiar with Holotropic Breathwork, it is a group process of deep accelerated breathing and loud evocative music that puts breathers into non-ordinary states of consciousness where amazing things can happen. I find it to be the most amazing, transformative, and healing experience I've ever come across. It allows for an inner journey, that often seems like a psychedelic trip, yet involves no drugs or alcohol. It is fueled solely by your own breath. The best instruction I heard this weekend was "Breathe until you are surprised."
You work in pairs, there is a breather and a sitter. A sessions goes for 2 - 3 hours then participants swap for a session later that day or sometimes the next day depending on the workshop. Yesterday was the first time Lori and I were partners. The first time, last December in Vermont, that Lori tried it we didn't want our relationship/involvement to effect the other person's experience so we partnered with other people. Now that we are wily veterans it felt fine to work together, and I'm so glad we did.
This weekend included a group of eight breathers at a time and Lori breathed first. It took roughly ten minutes until I was sure she was having an experience. She had a sleep mask covering her eyes and a blanket pulled up to her chin, so the only thing I could clearly see was her mouth. I've never seen such a beautiful sight. Her smile was almost blinding with joy. She rocked in place to the music and became very verbal and active with her arms. The first words I could make out were, "Fly, be free!" She seemed to be throwing things out into the air, then at times was playing with her own hair, tossing it all around having a grand time.
Soon it became clear she was having a full conversation with someone and laughing hysterically through out it. I knew, and she later confirmed, that she was talking to her dad (who passed away almost 29 years ago). She kept saying such things as, "I know, I know", "I will", "Uh huh", "all right", "ok"... and laughing like a loon the whole time. I had so much fun watching her and feeling the love and joy emanating from that smile. Her laughter filled the room and was infectious. As I made eye contact with other sitters and the facilitators wandering the room, they were all laughing too. I've never seen any breathwork experience like this before. I teased Lori earlier that this is supposed to be traumatic and healing, but she just keeps making it fun. She went overboard this time.
Watching my wife so full of love, life and joy was the most amazing experience for me. She's never looked more beautiful to me. A single tear of joy rolled down my face as I lay next to her. I felt like I was witnessing a miracle and I hope that feeling never fades.
Anyway, I got up from my mat quite easily and went to draw my mandala, which was rather bland as I "saw" so little this time. The mandala is a little arts and crafts project you do after your breathing session. Before you even speak about what happened to anyone you put it on paper. It is another way to integrate your experience.
In the closing session someone said, "I've done a lot of drugs in my life, but nothing gets me high like this does." I couldn't agree more. If you like new experiences or are into personal exploration, you owe it to yourself to try Holotropic Breathwork. For those in the Boston area, there will be another session in Belmont in May. Visit Boston Holotropic for info.
Much more went on in my breathing session that I'm aware of because I slept for over 11 hours last night and have been overcome by tears a few times today, especially when I recall watching Lori.
You work in pairs, there is a breather and a sitter. A sessions goes for 2 - 3 hours then participants swap for a session later that day or sometimes the next day depending on the workshop. Yesterday was the first time Lori and I were partners. The first time, last December in Vermont, that Lori tried it we didn't want our relationship/involvement to effect the other person's experience so we partnered with other people. Now that we are wily veterans it felt fine to work together, and I'm so glad we did.
This weekend included a group of eight breathers at a time and Lori breathed first. It took roughly ten minutes until I was sure she was having an experience. She had a sleep mask covering her eyes and a blanket pulled up to her chin, so the only thing I could clearly see was her mouth. I've never seen such a beautiful sight. Her smile was almost blinding with joy. She rocked in place to the music and became very verbal and active with her arms. The first words I could make out were, "Fly, be free!" She seemed to be throwing things out into the air, then at times was playing with her own hair, tossing it all around having a grand time.
Soon it became clear she was having a full conversation with someone and laughing hysterically through out it. I knew, and she later confirmed, that she was talking to her dad (who passed away almost 29 years ago). She kept saying such things as, "I know, I know", "I will", "Uh huh", "all right", "ok"... and laughing like a loon the whole time. I had so much fun watching her and feeling the love and joy emanating from that smile. Her laughter filled the room and was infectious. As I made eye contact with other sitters and the facilitators wandering the room, they were all laughing too. I've never seen any breathwork experience like this before. I teased Lori earlier that this is supposed to be traumatic and healing, but she just keeps making it fun. She went overboard this time.
Watching my wife so full of love, life and joy was the most amazing experience for me. She's never looked more beautiful to me. A single tear of joy rolled down my face as I lay next to her. I felt like I was witnessing a miracle and I hope that feeling never fades.
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| Lori's Mandala |
At times she sat fully up, laughing like a mad woman, saying "I know, I know", "ok, ok", "That's silly." She was reminiscing all sorts of stories and memories with her dad. Once I heard her say "That's f'd up", because she couldn't swear in front of her dad. She seemed to be having the time of her life and it was an honor to be in her presence. This lasted for over an hour then it slowly faded away and she got quiet and still with occasional bursts of physical movement. After about two hours and fifteen minutes she opened her eyes and was ready to stop.
My breathing session was in the afternoon and this one was unlike any other. My prior three experiences had a lot of tears, sobs and pain. This time... it seemed just like a really deep meditation. I felt very protected, blessed and that things were healing, yet there were very little visuals, I barely budged the entire time and I didn't have any vivid memories or experiences. At some points I wondered if I'd fallen asleep even. Then suddenly the music stopped and I thought, this can't be over not much than an hour could have passed yet. When I opened my eyes, there were no other breathers in the room and Lori was sitting by my side. She thought I went very deep and had quite an experience because I moved so little and she said there were multiple times it seemed I stopped breathing completely. Friday night the workshop leader mentioned something called "blue-lip bliss", a meditative state so deep that some people forget to breathe. That seemed to be where I ended up. I was very aware of the people, sounds and movement around me. I could tell others were having quite vivid experiences, people were screaming crying, pounding the floor... I did my best not to feel disappointed and just let whatever happens happen. I had a few visuals, like I was in some universal sized snow globe, protected and safe, the last thing I recall seeing was a gold crown, which made me laugh as it reminded me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It was like I was seeing my quest or something.
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| My Mandala |
In the closing session someone said, "I've done a lot of drugs in my life, but nothing gets me high like this does." I couldn't agree more. If you like new experiences or are into personal exploration, you owe it to yourself to try Holotropic Breathwork. For those in the Boston area, there will be another session in Belmont in May. Visit Boston Holotropic for info.
Much more went on in my breathing session that I'm aware of because I slept for over 11 hours last night and have been overcome by tears a few times today, especially when I recall watching Lori.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Another Weekend in London
Westminster Abbey is something Lori had wanted to go to on earlier trips but I shunned it thinking it was boring. I'm glad to be wrong about that because the Abbey is very cool. We did the 90 minute guided tour which I highly recommend. I had no idea how much of English history the Abbey covers, and the guided tour lets you go places you aren't allowed to enter on your own. We walked over the graves of Newton, Darwin, Dickens, Faraday (LOST shoutout!) and thousands more. We also stood just feet from where Kings are coronated and where the Royal Wedding will happen next month. Now I'm actually interested in watching it. I never would have expected that! The first cabbie we had said "The only thing this country is still good at is putting on weddings and funerals." They all go down at the Abbey. On a prior trip we did a tour of the Tower of London which was far more interesting than I expected, too. Those are the two tours I recommend for London the most.
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| Plush Larry in London |
The Churchill War Rooms were neat but a bit disappointing compared to my imagination. This is where WWII was run from and I expected it to be some deep bunker, but it was only a normal basement 10 feet below street level. It was mainly keeping the location such a secret that kept it from ever being bombed. Over time they reinforced it with steel and concrete, but I'm still amazed all the people that worked and lived there were so safe just 10 feet below the ground. The little details and first hand stories from the clerks and typists were fascinating.
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| Hanging at the palace gates |
We left a Plush Larry the Lizard at the Buckingham Palace gates and watched from afar to see who had the nerve to take him home. Later we gave one to a little girl in a restaurant and she was ecstatic. Plush Larry is a big hit!
Our last full day we explored the Tate Museum of Modern Art. I thought I was pretty open minded, but lots of stuff here just made us laugh and shake our heads. Gabriel Orozco had some interesting stuff that was right up my alley, like painted skulls, and chopped up cars, but there was actually a display of dryer lint, and an empty shoe box. I'm not making this up. Check it out. Guards have to watch over the shoe box so nobody moves it or throws it away thinking it is a... shoe box. We finally gave up and left after gazing at a million fake sunflower seeds. Despite not "getting it" we both enjoyed the museum. Then before we realized it we were back home.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
I have a Millionaire Mind!
This past weekend Lori and I attended T. Harv Eker's Millionaire Mind Intensive in Boston and it totally rocked. It was a surprising mix of spirit, energy, and financial how-to's that we both resonated strongly with. Over three long, high-energy days, we (along with 400 others) sang, danced, cried, laughed, learned to take compliments, be excellent receivers, and once and for all proved to ourselves we are WICKED F'N WORTHY!!
We learned the easiest money management system in the world, simple stock strategies that would have saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars had I known them ten years ago, and concrete steps to take to be financially free. Plus there were many transformative exercises to recognize and eliminate blocks in our own thinking, discovering our financial blue print and changing it.
T. Harv Eker is the author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth
and has been running training programs for over 20 years. This was their first time in Boston and they are coming back in June they were so impressed. Plus the lead instructor, Adam Markel, is a UMass grad!
I can't recommend this program enough. You can even attend for free! Click here to see when Millionaire Mind Intensive will be near you and register now! I recommend going for the VIP package which is what Lori and I did, the amount of bonuses you get will blow you away. But if money is tight, take advantage of the free seat and learn all you can.
When you attend, you too will identify your money personality, discover whether money rules you or you rule money, and countless other powerful insights. More powerful than what you learn will be what you unlearn. The old programming that keeps from achieving all you want, financially and in life in general.
It is amazing what Peak Potentials is willing to do to prove the value of their courses. Their mission is "To educate and inspire people to live in their higher self based in courage, purpose and joy." Mine too. We signed up for a stock trading boot camp in June and a class on creating passive income streams in December.
We learned the easiest money management system in the world, simple stock strategies that would have saved me hundreds of thousands of dollars had I known them ten years ago, and concrete steps to take to be financially free. Plus there were many transformative exercises to recognize and eliminate blocks in our own thinking, discovering our financial blue print and changing it.
T. Harv Eker is the author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth
and has been running training programs for over 20 years. This was their first time in Boston and they are coming back in June they were so impressed. Plus the lead instructor, Adam Markel, is a UMass grad!I can't recommend this program enough. You can even attend for free! Click here to see when Millionaire Mind Intensive will be near you and register now! I recommend going for the VIP package which is what Lori and I did, the amount of bonuses you get will blow you away. But if money is tight, take advantage of the free seat and learn all you can.
When you attend, you too will identify your money personality, discover whether money rules you or you rule money, and countless other powerful insights. More powerful than what you learn will be what you unlearn. The old programming that keeps from achieving all you want, financially and in life in general.
It is amazing what Peak Potentials is willing to do to prove the value of their courses. Their mission is "To educate and inspire people to live in their higher self based in courage, purpose and joy." Mine too. We signed up for a stock trading boot camp in June and a class on creating passive income streams in December.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Thank You, 2010
2009 was certainly my year of outward exploration with multiple international trips. 2010 was the year of inward journeys that were equally, if not more, amazing. I love looking back on each year as it helps remind me of all the fantastic experiences I had and reignites my gratitude for them. The year was full of personal growth and kicked off with The PhilosophersNotes 50 Day Challenge and 40 Days Oneness Experiment. I continued meditating with Holosync on a daily basis (sometimes pushing myself to do it for up to 4 hours a day - I don't recommend that), saw some great movies, concerts (highlights included Lady Gaga, Roger Waters, Apocalyptica, and KISS), and my first Broadway show, Rock of Ages.
I attended two seminars with medium John Holland, one of which also included Dr. Brian Weiss talking about reincarnation. I got to see Bill Harris and Genpo Roshi live again, and was able to take part in Holotropic Breathwork twice, even getting to meet the creator of it all - Stanislov Groff. One of the standout moments was the Movers and Shakers weekend in April where not only did I truly get inspired to get serious on my memoir, made many great fiends, but also met the legendary Louise Hay.
In August, I announced to the world my intentions of writing my book, Surviving Myself, about my expereinces with depression and suicide. I launched a new blog http://www.survivingmyselfbook.com/ and shared personal thoughts and experiences which many people have resonated with. I completed my book proposal and got it into the hands of a few agents by the end of 2010. I worked as an extra on another movie and took a Voice Over class. Plus, between all this we did take two trips to Ireland this year! Wow, I forgot all about those. I'm such a spoiled world traveler that two long weekends in Ireland don't stand out in my memory. LOL.
What may prove to be the biggest decision of the year was signing up for a year long coaches training program with David Morelli in which I'm being trained to see and read energy. It has been nothing short of astounding so far. I'm often blown away by how spiritual I've become, especially after so many years of considering myself to be agnostic and even an atheist at times.
One thing has been even cooler than these experiences and learning about myself over the past year. That has been the truly amazing, new, life-long friends I've met at each and every event. This year has proven beyond all doubt; The more I share and serve, the better my life is.
I can't wait to see what 2011 has in store for us all.
I attended two seminars with medium John Holland, one of which also included Dr. Brian Weiss talking about reincarnation. I got to see Bill Harris and Genpo Roshi live again, and was able to take part in Holotropic Breathwork twice, even getting to meet the creator of it all - Stanislov Groff. One of the standout moments was the Movers and Shakers weekend in April where not only did I truly get inspired to get serious on my memoir, made many great fiends, but also met the legendary Louise Hay.
In August, I announced to the world my intentions of writing my book, Surviving Myself, about my expereinces with depression and suicide. I launched a new blog http://www.survivingmyselfbook.com/ and shared personal thoughts and experiences which many people have resonated with. I completed my book proposal and got it into the hands of a few agents by the end of 2010. I worked as an extra on another movie and took a Voice Over class. Plus, between all this we did take two trips to Ireland this year! Wow, I forgot all about those. I'm such a spoiled world traveler that two long weekends in Ireland don't stand out in my memory. LOL.
What may prove to be the biggest decision of the year was signing up for a year long coaches training program with David Morelli in which I'm being trained to see and read energy. It has been nothing short of astounding so far. I'm often blown away by how spiritual I've become, especially after so many years of considering myself to be agnostic and even an atheist at times.
One thing has been even cooler than these experiences and learning about myself over the past year. That has been the truly amazing, new, life-long friends I've met at each and every event. This year has proven beyond all doubt; The more I share and serve, the better my life is.
I can't wait to see what 2011 has in store for us all.
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