Sunday, October 26, 2008

Awareness or Acid?

Well, I'm back home safe and sound. Been up since before 5am which was quite a surprise since I'd only slept 3 hours the night before. Still don't feel quite "right" or "normal", but maybe this is the new "normal". It's like I'm on some low level acid trip - everything is noticeably brighter, sharper, deeper. Flying yesterday was fantastic and thrilling. It was like it was my first flight ever, at times I was staring out the window gawking at the clouds and sky in amazement with a big shit eating grin on my face. And music, God, music is just so much more moving - every lyric is stunning. The only poor schmuck sitting with me who had to put up with my smiling, singing and tears was me - luckily I had a row to myself on the first flight. Second flight was a different story, but I didn't care by then. I was in my own space and enjoying the madness. Not sure if people didn't notice me or were too scared to look my way.
When I landed at Logan, nothing seemed familiar. It was like I was landing in some new city. Lori picked me up for the drive home. I didn't even try to speak to her until a few minutes passed and even then could only spit out a couple words. I was mesmerized by the lights, it seemed like Boston had turned into Las Vegas while I was away. There were amazing bright neons everywhere that I had never noticed. It was as if I'd flash forwarded fifty years and was seeing some blazingly vibrant city of the future. As we got closer to home the wind really picked up and all the leaves being blown across the road were dazzling. I'd swear some of the them were alive; little critters scurrying across the road -- I was pretty close to freaking out at this point. But they were just neat to look at, it wasn't anything frightening.
I'm now thinking this is just raised awareness - feelings that were always here but buried. Now I really get why so many people do drugs -- it's to feel this. But it's always been here, waiting to be found. Not everyone had such an experience from the circular breathing; some people simply had a relaxing time, others had frightening visions of demons, rape, and death, some had very physical reactions even lashing out in violence. So this isn't to be taken lightly and I'm very grateful for my experience. I can't imagine having some horrifying vision last week only to return home to neighborhoods decorated for Halloween. I look forward to trying it all again, soon.

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